A man's insidious goals. Insidious
Search for a middle path between a more conscious guy of the new era and a primitive warrior full of life and strength. male heart strives to where there is nothing artificial ...
What should be a man? And how to become one?.. Qualities, tasks, goals, desires of a real man.
The desire for adventure, with its attendant dangers and thrills, is embedded in the soul of every man.
The male heart longs for a place where there is nothing artificial, modeled, fat-free, zipped, licensed, online, heated in the microwave. Where there is no report deadline, mobile phones or meetings.
Where there is room for the soul. There, finally, where the surrounding nature corresponds to the nature of his heart.
In the heart of every man there are several basic questions that must be answered:
Who am i? What was created for? What is my purpose?
Fear keeps a man at home, where everything is clear, all things lie in their places and are under his control. But a man cannot find answers to his deepest questions at the TV screen or on the refrigerator shelf. If a man wants to understand who he really is, wants to understand why he came into this world, he needs to go on a journey. He needs his heart back. The soul yearns for passion, freedom, life. As D. Lawrence said, "I am not a mechanism." A man needs to feel earthly rhythms; he needs to hold something tangible in his hands - the tiller of a boat, the reins, a rough rope, or just a shovel. Can a man go through life keeping his nails clean and tidy? Is this what every boy dreams of?
A man over the past ... twenty years has become more intelligent, more subtle. But this process did not make him freer. The world has become much the best place for "soft men" - they are loving beings, but such harmonious men are unhappy at heart, because they are forced to be passive.
Society as a whole cannot decide what to do with men. Having spent the last thirty years making men more circumspect, sensitive, manageable and even feminine, it now scolds them for losing their masculinity. The boys are incorrigible, we sigh. As if if a man becomes truly adult, he loses his wanderlust, his wildness and forever settles at home. "Where have the real men gone?" is a common topic for talk shows and books today. But how can a man know that he is a man if his main goal is to watch his manners?
The return of a man to his origins, to the foundations of his masculinity is a search for a middle path between a more conscious, “sensitive guy of a new era” and a primitive warrior full of life and strength. Robert Bly, author of Iron John.
There have always been initiation rites that go back ten or twenty thousand years to Northern Europe. The task of the Wild Man was to teach young boys how complex, diverse and multifaceted the male lot is. In this case, the abilities of his long-dead ancestors are revived in the boy's body, and his mind inherits the spiritual power that developed and accumulated many millennia before his birth.
Many spend twenty or thirty years of their lives "rootless"; in their imagination, such men do not associate themselves with anything specific. But in order for a man to become whole, something must first open him up. The essence of male initiation ceremonies in all cultures is the forced, forcible discovery of the dark side.
AT modern society there are no initiation structures left, and young people can enjoy their freedom for several years, expressing their essence in rude behavior, quarrels with parents (especially towards mother), in attention-grabbing clothes and music. Millions of men grew up in the environment female energy, which in itself is not a problem, but boys also need male company for a reasonable display of aggression.
When God created a man, He had some kind of plan, and if he wants to find himself in this world, he needs to understand this plan. What did He put in a man's heart?
There are three desires that the author of the book "Iron John" found in the depths of his heart, which he could not neglect (and does not advise others to do) without losing his soul. They define "who I am, who I am, and who I want to become." These desires are the same for all men, they are the key to understanding masculinity as such, the qualities of a real man. They may be suppressed, forgotten or replaced by something else, but in the heart of every man there is a desperate desire to win the battle, experience the adventure and save the beauty. Movies that men like, what men do in their free time, the strongest desires of boys - testify to this.
Every man wants to be a hero. Of course, this desire can be quelled if neglected for years, and a man may feel unprepared for the battle he knows lies ahead of him. But it doesn't go anywhere. If a man is taught only that he must be kind, then he may lose his heart from the wounds that he will receive during his life.
The desire for adventure lies in the heart of every man. It's not just about wanting to "have fun". Adventure is a test, a mission where his powers are tested. And although he may be frightened by the upcoming test, he nevertheless strives to pass it to make sure that it is within his power. If a man has lost the desire for adventure and says that they do not interest him, it is only because he does not know if he has the strength to survive them, does not believe that he will stand the test of strength. So he comes to the conclusion that it's not worth trying.
Nothing inspires a man to heroic deeds like a beautiful woman. It's not just that a man needs to win a battle, he needs someone to fight for. The battle itself is never enough, it must be meaningful. It's not enough to just be a hero; it is important for a man to be a hero for someone, for the woman he loves.
At the same time, not every woman wants to win the battle, but everyone wants to be fought for. In addition, a real woman wants a man to share the adventure with her. Finally, every woman wants to have beauty that will be revealed. They will not invent for themselves, but will reveal. A man needs to know that he is strong; he needs to know that he can handle the difficulties. A woman needs to know that she is beautiful; she needs to know that she is worth fighting for.
The way a man can fully realize himself and gain masculinity is by concentrating on “one valuable thing” (an idea, a person, a task, a question) and deciding to follow it at all costs. When he makes a clear choice, the "prince" inside him wakes up and the power of the "warrior" finally finds its use.
Based on the book "Iron John" by Robert Bly
And again I welcome you, comrades!
Disputes on the topic of vaginal suffering do not subside, so I decided to continue the topic of the criminal delusions of vaginal addicts, who consider themselves the crown of creation and masculinity only on the basis of the presence, quantity and quality of intercourse with the opposite sex. The harm of such moods for the male sex is beyond doubt. The obsession with sex and the search for women for this leads a man away from his true masculine essence, prevents him from becoming a self-sufficient person, contributes to his degradation and return to the level of a primitive animal. And most importantly, it takes away his strength and the most important and irreplaceable resource - his time.
MPO in a man's life, in any form, from full-fledged relationships to the bare satisfaction of physiological needs, is just a part of life, far from the most important and certainly not the only and not the highest quality source of positive emotions.
In my reflections, I want to try to show and justify why, fixated on finding women and sex, a man is not a man in the full sense of the word, either for society or for the women themselves, for the sake of access to the vaginas of which all these laborious movements of vaginal sufferers are started , in fact. The fact that dickheads seem to be the pinnacle of their male demand and success, from the outside looks pathetic, shameful and artificial, therefore it causes censure and rejection among adequate men and contempt among women themselves.
I hope the article will help those who see the light to reconsider and rethink their attitude to this issue. It will show that vaginocentrism is not only not an indicator of masculinity and humanity, but also contradicts this fundamentally. And the convinced pisto-sufferers who promote vaginocentrism as a normal way of life for men will lose their zeal to powder their fellow brains and drag them into the swamp of pisto-suffering, leading them away from vital problems and from themselves.
Most denominations, religions, esoteric theories, that is, everything that is trying to give human life the highest meaning, carry one very important idea: each person has his own destiny, has some kind of fate-determining task that he must fulfill. The fulfillment or non-fulfillment of these tasks threatens with heaven or hell, absolution or punishment, during life or after it. If we do something contrary to our destiny, then the higher powers punish us, taking something or someone away from us, thereby forcing us to stop, change our minds, and return to the true path. And the more a person persists in his unwillingness to understand who he really is and where he should go, the more suffering falls on his head. If we follow the right path, the above forces encourage us with peace of mind, give us the joy of life through a sense of satisfaction, fulfillment of duty and well-being.
I will not go deep into high matters, since I myself am an inveterate materialist, I just want to draw attention to the essence of all this - the search for and understanding of one's purpose, meaning and purpose in life, as a necessary condition for the development of a person and the formation of his personality. What is it and how to find it all?
In this, the women were "luckier" more, their direct biological task almost completely coincides with the main goals in life, their direct purpose is reproduction, archiving and reproduction of the best genetic material.
The modern woman has given up on her mission, trying to compete with men for their dominant position in society. Fate punishes them by the fact that these individuals never find satisfaction in life, they always toil about unrealizable dreams, they always have little of everything, and the peoples who have adopted the matriarchal system as a basis do not live long, die out or are ruthlessly destroyed by more viable peoples.
In woman's nature, there is a subconscious choice of a resource male, the best of those within her reach, the one who is able to give viable offspring and ensure its survival. This topic, at the moment, has already been studied enough to understand what drives women in their behavior and what is the motivation for certain actions.
The female, even herself, may not be aware of how her body begins to react to a suitable male. The natural program does everything for her. She begins to involuntarily give appropriate verbal and non-verbal signs that attract the one who has been chosen: “look at what I am, rate me”, “look, my vagina is across”, etc. The female begins to "loom" to her chosen one, about her readiness for mating. This is the first step of a woman in dating.
Therefore, they say that the woman chooses. Until she makes her choice based on the internal physiological filter of attractiveness, “suitability” for reproduction, until she “looks up”, no super-male external signs, no high ranks and statuses, no levels of education in the pickup field will help the male overcome the access barrier to the vagina of this female. “The bitch won’t want to, the dog won’t jump up” is a life truth.
In order to attract females, to receive these “beacons”, a man must exude resourcefulness energy into space: “I am confident in myself and my future male, I am the one who can feed and protect my offspring, ensure their survival!”. In our consumerist time, resource capacity, for the most part, is determined not so much by purely physical and biological parameters as by the presence of material resources, signs of internal potential that allows them to be extracted.
This energetic male message cannot be faked by anything. Whether a rich man, whether he has power, purposeful, promising, or is he a sucker, a sucker, a loser or a rogue, unable to provide life for himself or his offspring, all this is “written” on his forehead, which is perfectly read by females even on an intuitive, unconscious level. You can try to mislead the female, deceive the mind with visual attributes of resourcefulness (for a while), but it is impossible to deceive this internal filter and dosimeter of male potential. You will always be given away by body language, the general impression of the image, insecurity, shifty eyes, slurred tongue, etc. The forehead cannot be washed from this “barcode”. Confidence, purposefulness, self-sufficiency cannot be faked, because this is a completely clear and specific inner state, quite and really felt by other people. Either it exists or it doesn't. All these signs are written in your every movement, in every word.
Naturally, if a man has neither in his pocket, nor in his wallet, nor in his head, then he will not cause any emotions and interest in a woman. And all because it is written on his forehead: "I'm a sucker", "I'm a rogue", "I have nothing in my soul, except for a penis", "I want sex", "kick me", "I'm deceiving you" and etc. These poor fellows toil from sexual hunger, study pick-up sites, go to the rocking chair, buy expensive things with the last money in the hope that the owner of the vagina will pay attention to them. But what do we see? Everything is empty, as they did not pay attention to the vagina, they do not pay attention. And the feeble-minded females, who have looked up to the external gloss, soon hide hastily in the thickets of dill. But it would seem that they hang themselves directly on a neighbor who is completely unpresentable. Such men cause envy and anger in sufferers deprived of female attention. From them we hear moans and curses against these men: “-… mega-women, share with us the women, why do you need so many, keep 2-3 pieces for yourself, and let the rest go!”
And now these suckers are breaking their heads, what to do? In MD, perhaps, to move, to adopt the behavior of more successful ones? And it doesn’t reach them that it’s not about clothes, not about a well-groomed face, not about sticking to any party or movement, but about the energy that they exude, which cannot be faked, because this message contains the whole truth about them! It's all about the "barcode" on the forehead! Starting from the banal "smell", a chemical cocktail of male hormones that comes from a man and is analyzed by a woman's animal instinct, and ending with an energy portrait, in a general way, causing one or another response.
If it is written on a man’s forehead: “let me touch the cap, please, I beg you,” nothing but ridicule, pity, contempt or an act of prostitution, if he has at least some material resources interested in the female, he will not receive. Or, due to a misunderstanding, he can contrive and have time to capitalize, hesitating and mistaking a dummy for a real male, a woman. Walking and begging, thus, consent to mating can be a lifetime and with dubious success.
If you bought yourself a decent outfit with the last money, hoping to impress a woman with a resourceful male, then it’s written on your forehead that you are a wanker and a rogue, that in addition to sexual hunger, a suit and an inflamed penis in your pants, you and you there is nothing else.
If you work out in the gym, hoping to attract females with your muscles, but with external pumping you don’t have an internal core, then it’s written on your forehead: an empty and conditionally attractive shell.
Why am I doing this? And all to the fact that if a man does not spread the energy of his resource around him, then he will not receive a high-quality beacon from a woman who declares her readiness to have offspring from him, that is, the green light for mutually desired sex. More experienced men are able to recognize these signs, this message, which is directed from a woman to a suitable and chosen male. This man is already looking for himself - whether or not this female suits him according to his needs and customs. A completely different level of relations is switched on, when a man already chooses from the females who offer themselves. If it fits, then there is a physical acquaintance. The mating pair is ready. Already a matter of technology - where and when.
What if there is no beacon? Why waste time and energy, banging your head against closed gates that will not be opened voluntarily to you, if this energy can be spent on working out your own resources, what will always remain with you , regardless of circumstances and position in the sex market? After all, nothing but the loss of time, disappointment from dubious victories, even greater self-doubt, anger and stomach ulcers, as a result, you will not get!
So we come to the goals of life that a man can have. Of course, everyone is his own master, someone will decide that the purpose of his life is to beat his horns into closed gates, trying to gain access to the vagina. Someone - go through all the levels of the game "tanchiki" on the computer. Everyone decides for himself what his purpose is, he sets himself the bar and limits himself in his actions. There is only one criterion for the correctness of the choice - a feeling of inner deep satisfaction from what has been done. The main thing is to honestly understand yourself and understand for yourself what you are suitable for, what you are capable of and in which direction you should move. It is in this direction that it is worth directing your main forces. Is it necessary to limit oneself to such primitive tasks, following the lead of animal instincts, how to spend one's life in search of accessible meat, not disdaining to deceive oneself and others? And if nothing else comes to mind, well, well, you need to accept that the animal in you is much stronger than a reasonable person, celebrate the victory of your inner beast and not claim a worthy place among the Creators of life.
Usually a goal for ourselves, guidelines for understanding our own destiny, we can find in childhood dreams, in what we liked to do for satisfaction and benefit, first of all to YOURSELF! A man who has a goal, in addition to earning resources, is valued much more, since it is written on his forehead that he is able not only to feed and protect himself, he can do something more, he can be a leader and lead, he can give a stupid biological survival the meaning and fullness of a full life. Such men are called promising. They may not yet have a penny for their souls, but the women will run after them. And vice versa, a man whose father is the mayor of the city, who squanders money and drives a Ferrari, if on his forehead there is a “barcode” of a sucker and windbag, he is not able to attract anyone except marriage swindlers and other prostituted rabble. And what is written on the forehead of 3.14 the sufferer? Anything but resources. There is a male member, but there is NO male rod!
Many people ask: “But I’m not an inventor, I was a fool at school, the only thing I see as my purpose is to be fruitful and multiply, but the trouble is that women don’t want to have offspring from me, they don’t even let me in on what to do ?
My friend, you have the same thing written on your forehead as in your thoughts. Baba sees that you can barely feed yourself, you don’t live, but you survive and dangle senselessly through life. Yes, no fool will loom for you. She herself has no meaning in life, except for the biological reproduction program, why does she still need you like that, a competitor for devouring resources, unable to get them? Walk, wander, beg for sex, maybe one of the females will be honored and agree in their dementia to get laid once or twice. You can hope for her flight and pregnancy. But I can upset you if you want offspring, nevertheless, there is a 99% chance that she will have an abortion from you or later take your offspring from you according to standard schemes.
Or they say: “I don’t need any long relationship, I just want to have sex, but these bastards do not give. Why won't they let me?"
Yes, because you don't even smell like a man. The connection with this does not fit in with the woman's natural setting, with its purpose, so you also will not receive a beacon from a woman. The only way out is elderly or other illiquid females who want to somehow satisfy their lust and they don’t care how and with whom.
Therefore, it is necessary to pump over not so much the skills of picking up women, but rather your resources and internal potential, albeit not the most enviable and large-scale one. This will be that reliable foundation on which you can build everything else, without fear that everything will fall apart like a house of cards. Here everything is decided by motivation, for what all the efforts? Lure with an empty form of females for mating or take place like a man?
I repeat once again that the goal is what a man works on in order to achieve benefit, first of all, FOR HIMSELF. and according to the internal need for the realization of personal potential! This is his essence, his content and content, what he is worth as a man and a Person. This is the motivation of all his actions and what others see in him.
Don't look for women and a piece of cheap bullshit, don't make it the meaning of your existence, this is the way to nowhere, look for yourself, this is the most valuable thing you can get from life. And when you find YOURSELF - the women themselves will find you, do not hesitate.
Perhaps this topic requires additions, but I hope I conveyed the main idea.
If the behavior of a real woman is cleaned out of manipulation, there will be no woman left. And the men will be the first to be upset by this.
Most representatives of the beautiful half of humanity believe that they know how to control men. In fact, only a few of them are fluent in this art.
Let's figure out what female manipulation is. Let's give an example: a beautiful long-legged girl in a very short skirt is walking down the street. The question is: is the shape of her dress a manipulation? It all depends on whether she intentionally put on this particular skirt, whether she pursued the goal of attracting the attention of surrounding men, whether she wanted to influence them with her long legs, or whether she did it unconsciously, without pursuing any goals, but she just likes to dress like that. If she did it deliberately - then this is manipulation of pure water, but if she chose this particular thing from her wardrobe completely by accident - then there is no manipulation.
The first rule of manipulation is that your interlocutor does not notice that he is under your influence, so that he does not understand that he is dancing to someone else's tune, so that a treacherous thought does not arise in his mind that he is being manipulated.
This is a book for those women who want to learn how to manage men, to get them to fulfill any desire. If you dream of influencing the behavior of your loved one, your friend or just a colleague, we invite you on an interesting, exciting journey into the depths of male psychology. After studying the 49 rules, you will arm yourself with a whole arsenal of the latest tactics with which you can subordinate any man to your will. Go ahead.
Chapter 1
Three reasons to use manipulation
Rule #1
Men always want to see a woman in you
Have you set out to convince a man of something and do not know how to proceed with the implementation of your plan? Your main trump card is that you are a woman, and it's a sin not to use it. Even if there is no intimate relationship between you and your interlocutor, if this man is your boss or colleague, do not think that he does not notice that you are a woman. Here are just a few tips on how to use your charms to achieve the desired result.
In order to win over a man, you need to cause physical attraction in your interlocutor. This kind of manipulation is based on the fact that a man in whom natural instincts wake up can no longer reason sensibly and logically. It feels itself in the power of a woman. Even if his mind tells him that he should not agree with you, that he should not give in and fulfill your desire, his flesh tells him the opposite. In this case, his libido is your ally in the difficult task of managing a man, and your task is to awaken a man's interest in you as a woman.
When preparing to talk to your “victim”, think ahead. You should dress a little more revealingly than usual. Just don't overdo it with revealing. Remember the golden rule: a hint of nudity looks sexier than nudity itself. You must look so that there is room for male fantasy. Show off all your charms. Give preference to a shallow blouse neckline, but do not forget to unbutton the top button, do not wear too short a skirt, it looks vulgar, it is better to choose the classic version - knee length with a slit that slightly opens the lace stocking. Choose your perfume and make-up carefully. The aroma should be very light, barely perceptible, so that your interlocutor does not start to choke in the middle of a conversation. Nothing should annoy you.
If your interlocutor is equal to you in status, a colleague or friend, you can apply the method of tactile impact. You can touch a man, but not too openly. Light strokes on the shoulder or hand will evoke pleasant emotions in him. However, do not try to break the distance and enter the personal space of a person above you in position - your boss or teacher. This can be perceived as a sign of disrespect and insubordination.
If you manage to create the image of a desired woman, your interlocutor, under the influence of your charms, will certainly agree to fulfill your request. Although sometimes, in order to persuade a man to make the right decision, it is not enough just to be a charming and attractive woman. You have to use a whole range of manipulative techniques to achieve the desired result. Read more about these techniques below.
Rule #2
A man does not like it when a woman encroaches on his freedom.
Remember folk wisdom: listen to what a woman says, and do the opposite. This is how most of the male population lives. They consider any advice from the fair sex to be an attack on their freedom and thus force us to use manipulation to get our way.
To understand why we, women, use manipulation, we must proceed from the axiom that men are freedom-loving creatures. Any encroachment on their freedom - whether it be returning from work at the exact time indicated by the wife, planning his leisure time, banning him from meeting friends or some other conditions - is a disrespect for him as a person and an expression of distrust, which humiliates and offends his dignity. Your reproaches and advice make him act differently than you would like, he deliberately, like a teenager, does everything to spite you only in order to assert his own right to freedom. As a result, a conflict is brewing, which is resolved sooner or later. It can be resolved in several ways.
Method 1 - "totalitarian": one of the parties surrenders: it can be either a man or a woman, depending on what is stronger - action or opposition. There is a distribution of roles: the strongest wins the struggle for power.
Method 2 - “they didn’t get along”: both can’t stand it, the conflict is resolved by parting.
Method 3 is “manipulative”: a woman takes reins of power, while a man does not lose a sense of freedom, believing that he does his actions of his own free will, although in fact he is under the influence of his wife / lover.
Here are some ways to covertly control a man:
1. Do not use the imperative (imperative mood) when referring to a man (go there, don't do that, etc.). Such a wording of a request or advice is always perceived by a man as an attempt to control him, an encroachment on his freedom. You can use the request-question:
- Dear, I started cleaning, could you help me?(Instead of: "Vacuum the house and wash the dishes.")
Or a rhetorical question:
- I'm late at work tomorrow, I don't even know who will pick up the child from kindergarten?(Instead of: "Tomorrow pick up the child from kindergarten.")
2. Come up with an alternative. Your beloved is going to the next "sabantuy" with friends. Do not forbid him this in an ultimatum form, just offer another option for spending leisure time. For example, invite him to the premiere of a movie he's wanted to see for a long time, or cook up a "fantastic" dinner that he definitely won't turn down. Choosing such an alternative, you should intrigue the man, offer him something worthwhile, so that he does not doubt that he made the right choice, exchanging the "beer" party for an unforgettable evening by candlelight.
3. It is best to make sure that your beloved himself comes to the right decision. Your task is to prompt him, hint. For example, you really do not want to go on a picnic with his friends. Do not try to persuade him to abandon this idea, declaring his desire on the forehead. Get him to express his desire not to go. In the middle of a conversation, you can complain that the weather this particular weekend will be rainy, that the preparation for the picnic was not good enough, and that the place was not chosen at all. It is best if these arguments are instilled in him not only by you, but by someone else from your company, then he will believe in the objectivity of these arguments and he himself will abandon his idea.
Rule #3
Men themselves are not averse to manipulating a woman
Dear ladies, if you don’t want to be “under the heel” of your beloved, if you don’t want to spend all your leisure time cleaning, washing, ironing and caring for children, while your beloved is relaxing in front of the TV, you simply must learn the rule : do not want to become a victim of manipulation, learn to resist it.
In order to avoid exhausting work at home, men often use a tactic called: "It doesn't work for me" or "Hands in the wrong place." Their actions are very simple. When you ask them for help, they enthusiastically get down to business, but they do everything in such a way that you still have to redo everything. This is repeated until you decide that it is better to do everything yourself than to ask your man. This is exactly the outcome of events that a man achieves.
How to behave? In no case do not try to remove your man from household chores. You must create conditions for him in which he will be forced to redo his own work. For example, your beloved washes dishes in such a way that food remains on them. By the next meal, you can, as if not noticing, put an unwashed appliance on him. If he makes a remark, ask him to wash the plate himself, because it's his fault. Do this several times until the man faithfully fulfills your requests.
Another favorite men's tactic called "Dump the sick head on a healthy one." Here is an eloquent example of typical male behavior. Wallpapering one of the rooms dragged on for several weeks. You are trying to rush the man, to hint that it is time to finish the protracted repair. Hearing a reproach in your words, the man begins to list your own flaws: “You still haven’t washed my shirt, you can’t figure it out in the closet, and in general your coffee runs out every day.” Thus, a man wants to make a woman feel guilty for his failures and relieve himself of responsibility for unfinished work. In this situation, you can try to try to finish the repair yourself: "I'm tired of it all, I don't want to live in a pigsty anymore." Men, as you know, do not like it when a woman takes up tools. Most likely, your beloved will take away your brush and a bucket of glue and the words “You still don’t know how” or “Let me do it yourself” - he will complete what he started.
Here is another typical case of male "domestic" manipulation called "I was offended." Men are terrified of the Sabbath day, when loving wives drive them out into the street to beat rugs and rugs, on this day they have to take out the garbage that has accumulated over the week and vacuum the house. In order to avoid participating in the general cleaning, men very often provoke women into a quarrel. For example, they begin to do everything extremely slowly, which causes you an irresistible desire to speed up the process with the help of a “magic frying pan”. But you usually limit yourself to nervous words: "Can't you hurry?" or "What are you like inanimate, let's move." These words, as a rule, become fatal: a man throws a carpet, a vacuum cleaner or a trash can with the words: “If you don’t like it, I can not do it at all.” And he does not talk to the swami for half a day until the end of the gene-cleaning. How to proceed? If you feel that your man is helping you without much enthusiasm, it is best not to provoke a quarrel and avoid harsh statements. On the contrary, try to win him over. “Dear, did you get up on the wrong foot today? Let me make you strong coffee - you will cheer up. After such words, a man is unlikely to want to quarrel with you.
Chapter 2
The most common female tricks
Rule #4
Women are the weaker sex: always ask for help
One of the most common methods of manipulation is associated with an interesting paradox in human relationships: we are more willing to succumb to the influence of “weak” people, those who know how to use their weakness, who easily ask for help even when they don’t need it at all or could do without it.
In relations between men and women, this is one of the most simple ways manipulation. After all, a woman by nature is the weaker sex, and she is so arranged that she needs the help of stronger representatives of the human race. The most important thing is to skillfully use this “advantage”. Women's weaknesses make a man feel strong and significant in the presence of ladies. When you ask a man for help, you are in some way complimenting him: “I can’t cope with this problem without your help.” Men really like it. Having fulfilled any of your requests, they already fall under your influence, with their help they let you know that they are ready to patronize you, to help in the future - you can skillfully use this unspoken promise.
The most elementary requests can cause a man not only to want to help, but also to have an incredible sense of pride in his abilities: “I am so capable and talented, and it’s absolutely easy for me to help you if you need it so much.” In addition, having done you a favor once, it will be difficult for a man to refuse you the next time you ask for something more serious. For example, change a light bulb, see what is knocking in your engine, help you figure out a new computer program, etc. The most important thing is that your request be feasible and correspond to the skills and experience of a man. By doing so, you will put him in an awkward position, he may become embarrassed, and he will have an unpleasant aftertaste from communicating with you. In the future, his "failure" may even be the reason that he will begin to avoid you. In general, come up with tasks and tests for a man, but not too difficult. The main thing is that he will certainly cope with them and become in some way a fabulous deliverer for you from minor troubles that lie in wait for you at every turn.
Even if you yourself are masterfully versed in electronics and technology, if you are an expert in the device of your own car, then it is not at all necessary to flaunt this. Men like it when a woman creates a more favorable background for him when she is not so competent in the so-called "male" matters. If nothing urgent and unfavorable happens in your life - the bulbs don’t go down, the car’s engine works perfectly - then it would be appropriate to go for a little trick and “make” a little trouble for yourself and then resort to the help of your gentleman. What should you do, for example, accidentally break a light bulb that does not want to sit down, or pull the hose out of the carburetor?
Women's helplessness in such elementary domestic matters is very amusing for men. But, as a rule, they never refuse to help. And one good deed can cause them an attack of nobility. After that, you can safely turn to them for help on more important and serious problems.
Rule #5
Migraine is the main female ailment: refer to ailments
“Ah, how dizzy!”, “Ah, something is not good for me!”, “Ah, there is not enough fresh air!”. Hearing such exclamations from you, any man who is nearby will certainly do everything to alleviate your ailments.
In the days of wasp waists and corsets squeezing the lungs, young girls very often fainted, in older women the most common illness was migraine. Frequent ailments in those days are now explained by too tight clothes and heavy dresses. But there is another explanation: girls in those ancient times possessed the art of manipulating men. Every decent girl in those days knew how to faint so much that the gentleman she liked had a desire to pick her up and take her out into the fresh air, where usually all explanations of love took place.
In our times, fainting is not so common, they are more associated with actual ailments than with a girl's desire to draw attention to herself. Nevertheless, this form of manipulation is very effective and is still used by the most skilled women to control men. Women have some specific pains and ailments that men are not well aware of. In general, they do not know everything about the female body, and what a woman has to endure. The male reaction to your ailments will be quite typical - confusion, a desire to help at all costs, while not causing pain of a different origin, emotional wound, etc.
Therefore, you can safely use this method when you consider it necessary. For example, your planned trip to a restaurant is postponed due to unforeseen, urgent work that has fallen on your beloved's head. Well, do not beat the drums and do not throw tantrums - just float in front of your eyes with a wet towel on your head, moaning slightly. To the question: “What is the matter with you, dear?” - you can simply say that your head hurts a lot and you would really need fresh air right now. When using this method of manipulation, remember an important rule: do not overdo it. Do not grab your head every time your beloved refuses you another whim, do not pretend to be terminally ill if your man suddenly decides to cancel your walk. If you resort to this method too often, you will simply not be taken seriously, and most likely you will be caught in a simulation.
And one more thing: choose simpler ailments (headache or mild nausea), and if you suddenly complain about a naughty heart or limbs, then your darling may be seriously scared and call a doctor to check your health.
Rule #6
Appearance: use your own attractiveness
Female beauty acts on men like sour cream on cats - for her sake they are ready for anything. There is no such thing as too much beauty. It is not true that a man gradually gets used to your beauty and ceases to admire it. Most likely, you yourself are too dismissive of your appearance, not wanting to use this magnificent weapon.
Each woman is endowed with her own special attractiveness, only her inherent charm. But very often women do not know how to use their beauty correctly: some of them forget that it was thanks to their appearance that they won their current husband, and some do not know how to use this reliable weapon in managing a man at all.
Whatever inner virtues and spiritual qualities you possess, not a single man is able to appreciate them if you are not able to frame them in a decent frame, competently and profitably shaping your appearance. You will be able to influence a man, regardless of whether you have known him for a very long time or whether he is a random companion in transport, provided that your appearance corresponds to a certain model, standard.
Undoubtedly, looking after appearance is the greatest work, but, undoubtedly, one of the most pleasant women's duties. It goes without saying that attractiveness is not only about expensive clothes, makeup and chic hairstyles. All this is just a background, some kind of appendage to your personality. Heights should come first, not your expensive boots or gold jewelry. As a rule, men are not able to differentiate beauty into components, to evaluate hair and makeup separately, not paying attention to torn tights or worn heels. A man sees a woman as a whole, the totality of all her efforts. Therefore, do not rely on the fact that men will not notice your unwashed hair, but will pay attention only to your fashionable suit. You must be perfect in everything. And then it is in your hands. It has been observed that men are much more willing to make concessions to attractive women than to those who completely forget to take care of their appearance, and pay more attention to a woman dressed according to all the rules of fashion than to one who dresses tastelessly. It will be easy for you to control a man if you always successfully shape your appearance.
If, for example, the man you are trying to influence sees you in the same clothes (for example, because of the dress code in force at work), then do not despair. You are able to add your zest to a watery outfit. Wear elegant high-heeled shoes or sew the top button of your blouse a little lower. Such small details can arouse in a man not only sympathy for you, but also a desire to help, because female beauty always hypnotizes a man.
Rule #7
Women's Mystique: Don't Give Out Your Secrets
A mysterious woman, a sphinx woman, a mysterious stranger - the dream of not only a poet, but also of any man. It's no secret that men value mystery in a woman. You will subjugate any man if you can intrigue him.
In fact, female mystery is nothing but a sure way of manipulation. With it, you can easily conquer any man - whether it be the object of your dreams or an employer offering a profitable job.
Here are some tips on how to properly use your mystique to achieve selfish goals. First, do not tell everything about yourself, it is better to hide some of the information. Even if you are very fond of talking, in the presence of your interlocutor you will have to moderate your desires and become more silent. Don't talk much, but don't be silent, like a partisan. Try to think carefully about your thought before you say anything. In a conversation with a man, you should interest him with an original thought, a subtle hint. Do not try to completely withdraw into yourself, otherwise you risk going unnoticed. Too much mystery and mystery in your appearance will not do you any good either. A man will not be happy with your desire to hide any information about yourself, including your name, address, phone number. In this case, you will just seem strange to him.
Do not be too frank in a conversation with a man: try to hide a part of your biography that will not decorate you too much: for example, you should not immediately tell that you were married and divorced not so long ago, or that your real age is actually somewhat more than suggests your chosen one.
At first, it is best to leave a little understatement, inconsistency in the conversation. Use the woman's favorite “maybe” phrase more often, which gives a man hope for reciprocity, but leaves room for doubt. If a man who you liked for a long time nevertheless drew attention to you, you should not confess your passionate feelings in the very first conversation, open all the cards at once. Be restrained in showing your emotions. To fairly direct questions about your feelings, it is best to use evasive answers: “I like you, but I haven’t figured out my feelings yet”, “Your date offer is tempting, but I’m not sure if I’ll accept it yet, let’s talk about it on next week". If by your behavior you made a man doubt himself, if he had a treacherous thought: “Am I so good, can I conquer this impregnable peak?” - then you are on your way to conquering a man's heart.
If it seems to you that there is nothing mysterious and mysterious about you, what men like so much, fantasize a little. Think up some sad romantic story about your past unhappy love. Hint that you went through a difficult stage in your life, that your heart belonged to an insidious seducer and you no longer trust men. With your story, you will arouse the interest of a man. He will understand: to win your heart, he will have to try hard. Just one piece of advice: do not overdo it with fictional romantic stories, do not go into details and shed tears from scratch. In this case, one hint will suffice.
Rule #8
Food: male appetite is your main assistant
The easiest way is to persuade a person to provide you with a service when he is comfortable, his physiological needs are satisfied and he feels harmony with the world around him. For men, this moment can be the moment of satisfying hunger. Simply put, ask a man to fulfill your desire after he has eaten.
Experienced women know not to pester a man with a request for money for a new dress or a visit to a beauty salon until he eats properly. Remember that a well-fed man is more accommodating and accommodating than a hungry one. Do you want to persuade your husband to make an unscheduled visit to your mother? Wait until he is full. Are you looking for the right moment to persuade your boss to give you another vacation at his own expense? Wait for him to come back for a lunch break. This way of persuading a man is even difficult to call manipulation. After all, you are not doing anything to influence the decision of a man, you are not using forbidden methods of persuasion, you are not trying to covertly influence the point of view of your interlocutor. But at the same time, you are manipulating, choosing the right moment for your request, presenting it when your interlocutor is the least irritated, when his vigilance is somewhat dulled: he has just eaten and is in a relaxed state.
If you want to use this method of manipulation, remember that you cannot interrupt a man during a meal, even if you really want to state your request. Many women believe that, having started eating and satisfying an acute hunger, a man has already become docile and gentle. Without waiting for the end of the meal, they begin the "attack" before the object of manipulation fills his stomach. This is a big mistake. A man only then becomes a convenient object for manipulation when his nutritional needs are fully satisfied. One more piece of advice: do not think that a man is indifferent to innovation and originality in food. They don't care what they fill their stomachs with. Many of them are true gourmets and prefer varied and original food. A good hostess always knows the passions of her man. You can skillfully use this knowledge to achieve success in manipulation. For example, your beloved loves seafood. In this case, before an important and very serious request, you should seriously prepare by preparing only his most favorite dishes for dinner. Do not bypass the table setting. Despite the fact that your main task is to feed your man, it is still worth considering the aesthetic side of the process. Try to create an atmosphere conducive to a good mood. A man will appreciate your preparations and will be ready to please you, and after such a surprise, you can safely ask him for something that you have not yet dared to ask for.
Rule #9
Alcohol: keep a bottle of good wine in reserve
This method of manipulation is very effective, but not safe. Alcohol in small amounts relaxes a person, but there is no guarantee that your interlocutor will not want more. Therefore, you need to use alcohol as an assistant in your manipulations very carefully, preparing in advance for the situation if something goes wrong.
You can resort to this method of manipulation when you want to ask a man about something significant for you. By offering to join you and drink a glass of good French wine, you set your interlocutor in a festive mood. He begins to behave accordingly - at the holiday you need to have fun and relax. This behavior is in your favor, you need him to be as relaxed as possible.
Of course, having persuaded a man to support the company, you must somehow motivate your behavior. This is where it's time to act. For example, you are sent on a business trip for a whole month to another city. You know that your beloved man will react to this news without enthusiasm, most likely, he will simply forbid you to go and ask you to refuse. You by all means need to persuade him to give permission to travel, because your career depends on it. Your action: try to organize a small celebration by inviting your life partner to celebrate some important event for both of you. Get a bottle of good French wine prepared for special occasions, which was just waiting for just such a moment. You have glasses in your hands, your beloved is waiting, but you should not immediately shoot a veil of secrecy, wait a little with the story about your business trip, wait until the alcohol affects your interlocutor. Start your story after the first glass you drink: alcohol has already managed to act, but has not yet clouded your mind.
Starting your story, try to present it in a slightly different light: it is at this moment that you act like a real manipulator. The news will be perceived as you can present it. Champagne, candles, slow music are just a preparatory stage. The real manipulation begins now. Start your story with the fact that you arranged a holiday in honor of your promotion, which will certainly affect the material side of your life, tell that your boss has begun to take you more seriously and already intends to raise your salary. But still, he continues to test you, and in order to be completely sure of his choice, he wants to send you on a business trip for a while. Such a turn of events may not cause stormy joy in your man, but, having noticed the sparkle and hope in your eyes, he will definitely not be able to forbid you to go. This tactic will bear fruit if you manage to create the right mood for a man and do not overdo it with a drink. Good luck.
Rule #10
Intimate area: invade a man's personal space
We offer you another fairly effective way to manage men, associated with the invasion of personal space. This method of manipulation is suitable in cases where you want to ask for something from a man with whom you do not have an intimate relationship.
Briefly describe how this method of manipulation works. A person has an intimate zone (about 50 cm in diameter), which, according to the rules of etiquette, is allowed only for the closest people. We, as a rule, communicate with a stranger at a distance of 50-70 cm, trying not to invade his personal space, as this can cause a negative reaction on his part.
It is quite another matter if the stranger is a representative of the opposite sex. Then the invasion of his personal space can give him pleasure, cause positive emotions.
The ability to properly penetrate intimate area interlocutor can help you in managing men. You should not immediately approach the man at a "dangerous" distance, you should do it slowly, gradually, in the process of talking, reducing the distance between you. In order for your invasion of a man’s personal space to evoke positive emotions, you must remember that even the smallest unpleasant nuances can be caught at close range. They, in turn, can spoil the whole impression, and your interlocutor will have a desire to end the conversation as soon as possible. Unpleasant nuances are understood as unpleasant smells and sounds. Remember that at close range, your interlocutor will feel your breath, so take care of his freshness. Also, an unfavorable impression will be made by the smell of sweat or harsh perfume. The smell should be gentle, barely distinguishable. As for sounds, by reducing the distance between you and your interlocutor, you need to lower the timbre and volume of your voice: a high voice has a negative effect on a person.
Intrusion into the interlocutor's personal space can be more effective if you touch him. This touch should not be rough or too long. It can be a light stroke, barely perceptible by a man. When choosing a contact zone, try not to touch open areas of the body - the face or hands. Naturally, the "below the belt" zone is forbidden - otherwise you will simply be misunderstood. At your disposal are the shoulders, forearms and chest area. You can also pretend that you want to fix some flaw in the clothes of your interlocutor, for example, straighten the lapel of a jacket or tie. These actions can enhance the effect produced and even put a man into a stupor - now he is in your hands.
Invading your personal space, you should not be too active. For example, you should not use several touch options at once - just one is enough, and you should not make it too long, otherwise you may cause some discomfort. It is enough to “play” with a man at the very beginning of the conversation , and during the entire conversation, his vigilance will be lulled.
Rule #11
Weasel: use elements of "stroking"
By manipulating a person, you mislead him that he is fulfilling your request of his own free will, he does not realize that you are controlling him. That is why for covert control, not authoritarian techniques, such as shouting and orders, are suitable, but techniques that are usually called “strokes” in the science of manipulation.
In order to win over a man, set him up for positive, make him easily manageable, you can “caress” your potential “victim”. Under the term "stroking" psychologists understand not only touch, but also other psychological techniques that can cause positive emotions. You can use these techniques to ensure that your interlocutor finds support and support in you, and therefore, begins to trust you.
1. Assent. You can support a man in his statements, pretend that you share his point of view. For example, agree with him when he starts scolding his boss, who allegedly does not appreciate such an irreplaceable worker. Be sure that he will begin to feel more comfortable in your company, will consider you a person who can be trusted.
2. Use friendly gestures when communicating with a man. For example, a pat on the shoulder, a hug, a wink. As a unique way of showing kindness, you can use a friendly handshake, which can be a little longer, as a sign of strong respect. You can also use a friendly pat on the shoulder. These are the most neutral ways of showing affection and care, which will help you win over the interlocutor, so that later you can influence him with a word. If you want to discourage a man and are not afraid to seem a little frivolous, then you can use more intimate “strokes”: for example, when shaking hands, you can slightly tickle the inside of your interlocutor’s palm or try to straighten his tie.
3. Stand up for him if someone tries to accuse him of something. An elementary example: your mother reproaches her son-in-law for not having completed the renovation yet. If you try to support her, then your spouse will see you as an enemy and, in spite of everyone, will finish it even longer. The most competent thing is to take the side of your husband: “Why are you all sticking to him? He's a good guy." A man will understand that you are on his side. And after talking with your mother, you yourself will be able to offer to finish the repair in spite of everyone who does not believe in it.
4. Use the proper name of your interlocutor. For a man, the sound of his name is the best compliment. If you call a man by his first name, he will feel more trust and sympathy for you.
Rule #12
First date: avoid intimate contact
The ability to manipulate others is a real art that requires not only knowledge and skills, but also very strict self-control. Sometimes you have to fight with your own "I", restrain your desires in order to achieve the desired result in the future.
In this chapter, we will talk about the fail-safe method of manipulation that women use on their first love date. The purpose of this manipulation is obvious - the desire to turn the love of their gentleman into a stronger and stronger feeling of love.
The first date is a real game between a man and a woman, comparable to a kind of duel, when one (usually a man) seeks to subdue his beloved at all costs, satisfy his physiological needs, and the second (usually a woman) seeks to turn this date into the beginning a long-term and much stronger bond between them.
A woman, experienced and wise, prepares in advance for a date, plans everything to the smallest detail, foreseeing completely different outcomes of this “duel”. The woman believes that the date was successful when it entailed an offer to meet again, and did not end with a standard male excuse: "I'll call". In order to get such an offer from a man, women use the manipulation that has become a woman's commandment: refuse intimate communication on the first date.
In most cases, this technique works successfully. By refusing an intimate connection, you strike at his ego, at his pride. You make him think about why this happened, what it is connected with. Even if he did not plan to continue the relationship with you, his hurt pride will not give him peace, he will still want to bring the “started” to the end, thereby giving you time to strengthen your relationship, make it stable.
Your refusal should be prepared in advance, even rehearsed if possible, so that you do not seem too cutesy or completely indifferent. The best option might be wording like: "Darling, it's not easy for me to give up the much-desired thought of spending the night with you, but I want to test my feelings and get to know you better." That is, your refusal should be justified precisely by the fact that you hope to continue the relationship, that you are waiting for the unconditional continuation of your meetings. If you manage to convince your partner that you are not frivolous, that you are a worthy party, then perhaps your relationship will have a great fate.
Sooner or later, you will still have to give up, and there is no guarantee that a man will not lose interest in you after that, but again, it will depend only on you: whether you will be able to interest a man only as a potential sexual partner or whether he is interested in you as a person.
Rule #13
Common interests: moviegoers and music lovers of all genders, unite!
It is very easy to gain confidence in a person if in a conversation it turns out that you have common interests. This is usually used by experienced manipulators, trying to start a conversation on an interesting topic for the “victim”: “I am also a fan. How did Zenit play yesterday?
This method of manipulation in a man-woman pair must be used very carefully: after all, they are unlikely to believe you if you say that you are a true football fan, a fan of "RED HOT CHILLY PEPPERS" and crazy about Jackie Chan (although, by the way, this is not ruled out). It just so happened that men's and women's tastes are fundamentally different: women prefer melodramas, talk shows, light music, and men - action movies, sports programs and heavier music. Therefore, in order to choose a common topic for conversation, you need to try.
For example, a man, your potential "victim", loves Tolkien's novels: he has read everything from cover to cover and watched all the adaptations. You can use this knowledge to build good relationships. As if casually, you can say that you recently read the last book about the Lord of the Rings, and you really liked it. Naturally, if you are not a true fan, then you should be pretty prepared for talking about an idol - read something and watch a couple of films so that you do not throw unfounded phrases: "Tolkien is a genius."
Of course, if you turn out to be a real fan of his works, this will only be a plus for you: you will not only be able to talk on a topic that interests both of you, but also achieve the location of your interlocutor, in the future you will be able to use this location to achieve personal goals.
By entering the circle of trusted people, you can win over a man even more if he learns something new from your conversations. If his stock of knowledge about such a dear subject increases, he will be grateful to you. And if you find full version his favorite movie or get tickets to a concert of his favorite rock band, he will want to repay you in the same coin - to do something nice for you. This is the best time to ask him for a favor. You definitely won't be denied.
Rule #14
Childhood Memories: Get nostalgic together
It has been proven that memories of early childhood, those distant carefree years when we were all small and incapable of dishonest deeds and deceit, have a positive effect on a person. He seems to be returning to childhood and ceases to see dangerous competitors in those around him, capable of deception and manipulation. It is at such moments that it is very easy for him to control, to subordinate him to his influence.
In order for a close relationship to be established between you and your interlocutor, so that he is imbued with confidence in you, you can turn the conversation to the topic of childhood memories.
Choosing an episode from your childhood is also a very difficult moment. The main thing is that this episode should be funny enough and not boring. It is best if you tell a story in which you looked comical, even ridiculous. Then the interlocutor will imbue you with great confidence. For example, if you started talking about your passion for poetry, it would be appropriate to read a few lines from your "early" work. If you manage to make your interlocutor laugh, or at least make him smile, he is unlikely to refuse your "tiny" request.
Rule #15
Compliments for a man: praise a man more often
Men, despite the fact that they are usually called the stronger sex, are actually very vulnerable and dependent on someone else's assessment. They need their efforts to be appreciated. Dear women, remember that men love to be complimented.
A compliment is a very powerful weapon in the hands of an experienced manipulator. Compliments to men need to be done constantly, even if they are not entirely objective, slightly embellished and it seems to you that you are over-praising the man. But after all, they are compliments, to slightly exaggerate the dignity, to slightly embellish the achievements of a person.
The technology for creating a compliment to a man is quite complicated: a man must be sure of his objectivity. It is much easier to compliment a woman: it is enough to admire her new dress, fresh and blooming appearance - and she will immediately melt, receive a charge of positive emotions for the whole day. It is more difficult with men, they see a catch in everything: if they are not praised, then they are underestimated, but if they are bombarded with compliments, then they are trying to flatter in order to appease. As a rule, men are always suspicious of women's compliments, so when you decide to praise a man, you must carefully weigh and calculate everything. Your compliment must be justified. For example, you should not assure a man of his genius, if in fact he is not a genius. Such a compliment will be perceived as a desire to flatter and nothing more. It is necessary that the compliment seemed to your interlocutor as objective as possible, made him believe that you really appreciated his efforts, diligence and extraordinary talent. In order for your compliment to produce the desired effect, we offer the following technologies.
First, always try to justify your assessment. Don't just praise a job well done, but try to motivate your admiration. For example, giving a talk at a conference can be a great opportunity for praise. Your task is not easy to praise the speaker, but to make him believe the sincerity of your admiration. To do this, you can compare his speech with some other, less successful speaker: “You were at your best, not like Petrov with his uninteresting ideas.” Try to be sure to note the strengths of the speaker: “You know, it feels like you are in perfect command of the issue. It was evident in how confidently you performed.” But try not to exaggerate too much, do not overpraise and do not flatter: “That was brilliant” or “This is the first time I listened to a scientific report with such admiration.” They will immediately figure you out, and the manipulation will not succeed - you will not be able to subordinate the man to your influence.
Second, remember that praise is a great motivator for action. Having done a small favor for you and received a high mark for it, the man will be ready to fulfill your other assignments. For example, even a hammered nail can be a reason for praise. Your beloved took up the hammer and hung a picture or a wall clock? Having spent a minimum of effort on this, he receives a worthy compliment from you: “You know, you hung it exactly where I wanted it” or “Now, thanks to you, the house has become much more comfortable.” Such a compliment will move him to further exploits: you can immediately ask him to fix the faucet in the bathroom, which has been leaking for a long time.
Rule #16
Male self-esteem: play on male self-esteem
You began to notice that your beloved man or just a good friend has lost interest in activities. He seemed to stop in one place, stopped striving for new heights, became passive and dull. Persuasion and requests only worsen the situation. In this case, you can play on male pride.
You need to arouse a protest in a person, dissatisfaction with himself, make him move off the ground. In the soul, every man wants to be the best, always be on top of the situation, but life circumstances often violate these plans.
Try to make a man thirst for activity. Tell him about your friend's accomplishments. For example: “I heard that Vasily bought a new car for himself from a neighboring entrance” or “One of my former classmates, by the way, is also an architect, found himself an excellent well-paid job in a prestigious commercial firm.” This kind of manipulation has its own dangerous "pebbles". Your stories about the achievements of other people should not turn into reproaches, you should not compare the heroes of your stories with a person who is in crisis, and even more so reproach him for not being able to even get up off the couch, while others conquer career heights. Such reproaches and lectures can only cause irritation, but not a desire to follow a positive example. In your stories, do not exaggerate the significance of achievements, talk about them as if all this is quite real and accessible, you just need to exert yourself a little. The purpose of such examples is not to cause despondency and self-doubt, but a healthy competitive interest, a desire to check whether it is possible to become just as successful.
If you want to get what you want from a man, use the “pinning” method: jokingly offer him to do some work and immediately doubt his abilities. Your doubts will make a man want to prove his worth, to show you everything that he is capable of. For example, start a conversation about how you would like to see how your beloved will arrange repairs in the apartment, and immediately doubt his ability to complete such a grand task: “Well, I think that you definitely can’t do it.” If your man has a sufficiently developed self-esteem, then such a mockery and a hint of his insolvency will surely cause him to protest and desire to prove to you that he is capable of making repairs.
Rule #17
Mote in the eye: divert attention from the main subject of the conversation
Such a manipulative technique is based on the selectivity and instability of human attention. It works as follows: the manipulator tries to distract his interlocutor from the main topic of the conversation, transfer his attention to other objects, then returns to the problem under discussion, but the interlocutor has a holistic picture of the perception of the issue, he can no longer objectively assess the benefits of the proposal and often agrees with manipulator's arguments.
The explanation of the technique looks rather complicated, but in practice it is easy to use this technique. For clarity, we give a few examples. You really want to persuade a familiar man to get acquainted with your girlfriend. Knowing in advance that he is reluctant to make new acquaintances, you can use the technique described above. In order to secure his consent, you should try to best describe your proposal by talking about the beauty of your girlfriend and her charm. During the conversation, you may be distracted by a phone call (plan it by agreeing in advance with your girlfriend). Distracting from the conversation, you distract the interlocutor, and his attention switches to your actions. After such a break, you should sharply return to your request and demand a final answer from the man, without letting him come to his senses, knocking him off the main idea. Most likely, the answer will be positive.
Another variant of such manipulation. You need your colleague to work for you over the weekend as you have a huge picnic coming up this weekend. How to persuade him to agree to fulfill your request? Very simple. At the beginning of the conversation, state your request using as vague and obscure language as possible, for example: “I have business with you: could you work for me a little?” or “Could you help me: will you replace me for a while?”. Do not tell all the details at once: the details can be told later, with the consent of the interlocutor. Distract his attention in any way possible - the most banal of them: "Oh, a mote got into my eye." You can, suddenly getting up, declare that you have become very stuffy, and open the window, you can remember the long-planned call to your client. All this will distract your interlocutor, and when you return to the topic of your conversation, you should immediately ask: “Well, have you thought about my request?” He can hardly refuse.
Such manipulative techniques can be used not only in conversation with men, but also with women. The attention of men can be switched in a special way - with the help of female charm and charm. For example, in the midst of a conversation, you can, referring to the unbearable stuffiness, take off your jacket and stay in one blouse with a revealing neckline, or, stating your request, go through numerous bracelets on your wrist or twist a pendant in your hands. A man will certainly be distracted by your actions and, most likely, misses the point of the request.
Rule #18
Better bird in hand: move from more to less demand
Another way to get what you want from a man is associated with a sense of guilt for your refusal, for your unwillingness to help. This tactic is often used by obsessive sellers in the subway and underpasses, who at first offer to buy a large and expensive product, but, having been refused, they persuade them to buy at least a small souvenir as a keepsake.
The essence of such manipulation is quite obvious: when offering to buy a thing that is too expensive, the seller expects a refusal in advance. He, in turn, gives rise to a feeling of guilt in a person because he did not live up to someone's expectations, could not make a person a little happier. Therefore, clever manipulators immediately offer a person to rehabilitate himself and buy a not so expensive thing: in half the cases, the buyer agrees.
Experienced manipulative women who seek to subjugate a man act in the same way. Often such tricks are used unconsciously, without even realizing that they are using manipulation. Remember how you beg your loved one to please you. Perhaps like this: “Darling, you promised to buy me a fur coat for the winter. Not enough money? Then take at least to a restaurant” or like this: “When will we finally start to make repairs? No time? Then at least fix the broken stool. Of course, such requests are often made unconsciously, which does not allow us to call them manipulation, but if you learn to use this technique at the right moments, then you can achieve both the purchase of a fur coat and the desired repair.
It is very easy to use this technique. First of all, you need to set a certain goal for yourself and achieve it gradually. For example, you decide to persuade your husband to give you a mink coat (of course, your goals should be commensurate with the family budget). At dinner, hint to him that you would not refuse to spend these New Year holidays somewhere in a warm country. In a few days, you can show the price list of a travel agency offering "cheap" trips to Miami. Later, tell us about the impressions of your friend, who last year rested with her husband in a chic resort and was left in a crazy delight. Your preparations can confuse a man. He will come up with an opportune moment to refuse, try to talk you out of such a reckless idea. Having upset you with his refusal, he will want to somehow rehabilitate himself in front of you - this is where the most opportune moment comes for a request, in the opinion of a man, more real, and more desirable for you - buying a new fur coat. Go for it.
Rule #19
Scandal in the noble family: use your voice data
Do you often arrange scandals for your beloved? If not, then you should remember that scandal is also manipulation. Men passion as they do not like a woman's cry. And, to avoid your hysteria, they are ready for anything.
In order to understand how to competently scandalize, let's recall an episode from the movie "It Can't Be", in which the hero of Leonid Kuravlev repeats throughout the action: "I don't like scandals." And in order to avoid scandal, he marries a girl who has several illegitimate children, the existence of which she kept silent before the wedding. As soon as the man smells that the smell of fried, he becomes complaisant and makes concessions to you.
It is not necessary to throw a real scandal every time. This will turn your life into a nightmare, and your lover or spouse may not be able to stand it. How should this technique be used? At the preparatory stage, you still have to make a little scandal. This is necessary in order to demonstrate your voice data to your beloved, to show what you are capable of. An exemplary scandal should be such that you are literally begged to stop the tantrum. Of course, there must be a serious reason for such a scandal. (If a man does not give you a reason for a scandal, it makes sense to think about whether it is worth manipulating him at all). After such a demonstrative performance, you can, if necessary, hint to your chosen one that your patience is over and that now you will start to act up. I am sure that the warning will work and the man will agree to fulfill your request.
I must warn you that you should not get involved in such manipulative techniques. It is known that a person gets used to everything. Sooner or later, your spouse or lover will get used to your tantrums and stop responding to them. There is another option: he will simply go to a less hysterical woman. You should not use this technique for those whose men belong to the choleric type of temperament. Then your scandal can develop into a grandiose quarrel with screams and smashing dishes. This is of no use to you.
Rule #20
Women's Intuition: Use Your Sixth Sense
In the arsenal of a woman, there will always be several reasons and arguments that she is guided by to make a decision, and a man, as a rule, these arguments are not always clear. One such peremptory argument is female intuition, which opposes male rationality.
We will give you some tips on how to properly use your intuition to manipulate men. Experienced women who have succeeded in manipulation resort to this argument last, if all previous persuasion and assurances have failed. Usually, female intuition is a peremptory argument: it works flawlessly on men, since most of them cannot comprehend the essence of the “female instinct” phenomenon. It is difficult for them to understand why a woman, when making a difficult decision, is guided not by logic, but by her “sixth sense”, which, according to men, is akin to paranormal phenomena. Men are perplexed how women make fateful decisions without resorting to rigorous analysis, without calculating the pros and cons, and explain their choice by the fact that they it seems so.
If you are afraid that your intuition will fail you, then you do not have to give up this argument at all. Many women use their intuition as an argument, despite the fact that it is not very developed. When making a decision, you can build your own logical chain, calculate the pros and cons, but do it in mind, but a man present only the final decision. You can justify your choice by referring to the mysterious female intuition. It is this kind of manipulation that usually works flawlessly, since a man, unwittingly, begins to trust this inexplicable phenomenon. Use it when you prove something to a man you know. Try to refute all his logical constructions with just one argument: "But my intuition tells me that you are wrong."
Rule #21
Reticence or half-truth: DO NOT be frank
Telling the truth is not easy, but lying in a relationship can lead to a loss of trust if your deceit is exposed. But in order to get your way from a man, you, dear ladies, should be moderately frank: keep silent about unpleasant details, hide juicy stories.
Try dragging a man to a classical music concert if he can't stand it. To do this without using manipulation is almost impossible. In such cases, it is acceptable to hide some unattractive points. You can talk as much as you like about the positive influence of classical music on the human body, assure that a man will get great pleasure from this concert, but if you mention that he will have to enjoy high art for three whole hours, then he is unlikely to accept your invitation. When persuading a man to go to a concert with you, it is better to leave out such an “insignificant” detail as its duration, or not to focus on it: “You know, this will not take you too long.”
If you decide to persuade your friend who does not like big companies to go to a party with you, you can mention that only friends will be at it. Of course, seeing a large number of people, your friend may be seriously angry, but you can always refer to your own ignorance or scold the organizers of the evening for having fooled you in such a friendly way.
If you set out to persuade your lover to let you go to a friend’s birthday without him, then it’s not at all necessary to talk about the fact that there will be not only girls on the holiday, but also several attractive young people without a partner. You should not be frank with your lover that the planned corporate party should end in the sauna. It is better to simply omit such juicy details, and if your dear one accidentally finds out about them, then you can always refer to your own forgetfulness: “Oh, didn’t I tell you anything?”
Of course, this method of manipulation has its own pitfalls. For example, some women are too addicted to this simple, but not very honest way to get their man from a man, which leads to a loss of trust. If the lack of understanding in your conversations becomes the main tool for achieving your goals, then sooner or later your man will simply stop believing in you and all your subsequent words, even truly truthful ones, will be questioned. That is why you do not use this method very often. There is another danger: being carried away by easy victories, you can cross the line of what is permitted and, instead of a legitimate half-truth, you will start to openly lie. But only for the time being, until you are brought to light - then your innocent hobby can turn into very unpleasant consequences for your relationship.
Rule #22
Fact is a stubborn thing: state the facts
You can manipulate a man not only with the help of half-truths and half-frankness. Truth can be used as a manipulative weapon. Real words and actions of a man can be used against him. One of the effective ways to influence men is to mention direct facts to prove your position.
In order to use this method of manipulation, you must have certain qualities: perseverance, self-righteousness and a little stubbornness. If you think that you do not have these qualities, this does not mean at all that you cannot experiment: try to reincarnate from a timid and submissive life partner into a confident and self-aware woman. Your task is to use only one, but a very strong argument based on a real fact, to prove your own rightness.
Such an indisputable fact may be the promise of your companion to fulfill your request. If your desire has not yet been fulfilled, feel free to use the facts to your advantage. For example, your beloved has promised to take you to the theater, but has not yet done so. In this case, your dialog might look like this:
- Darling, you promised to go to the theater with me.
- Yes, I remember, dear, but I'm very busy right now.
- It's not fair, because you promised.
- Of course we'll go, just a little later.
- So your promise means nothing?
- I don't go back on my words, but be patient.
- So, I can not believe your words in the future ...
And so on, until your man is exhausted and agrees to fulfill his promise immediately. Note that this dialog is built according to all the rules of manipulation. The man tries to refuse to fulfill this promise, using various arguments: “I don’t have time”, “We’ll go another time”, asks to have patience. A woman in all her remarks refers to only one argument - a promise once given, and this argument turns out to be much stronger than all the arguments given by a man.
Winning an argument, even with a strong trump card, is only possible if your arguments are accompanied by confidence and conviction that you are right. You must be adamant, even if a man begins to use countermanipulation, for example, he tries to make you pity. If you want to achieve your goal, be steadfast and, like a stubborn child, repeat the same thing.
Be very careful in choosing STRONG arguments for your manipulative ploys. A strong argument to prove your position is not the words of some third party. As the main trump card, use only the words that were expressed by your opponent - his promises, his oaths.
Rule #23
Multi-questioning: ask TOO many questions
The dialogue, built according to all the rules of rhetoric and argumentation, consists, as a rule, of alternating remarks. Moreover, each replica contains only one unit of information or a call to express this unit of information. Simply put, questions alternate with answers. If you want to find out the truth from your interlocutor, you should build a dialogue in a different way.
Here is an example of a standard dialog.
- Hello. Where have you been?
- At work.
- Why so long?
- The boss stopped.
- What's the urgency?
- Tomorrow is an unforeseen conference - guests from abroad.
And so on. In this dialogue, everything is logical and consistent. This type of conversation has nothing to do with dialogue manipulation. If you, for example, want to find out the truth, bring your beloved to clean water, you can use the so-called multi-question dialogue. In it, you are the leader, you set the tone for the conversation: you immediately begin to ask questions, and in large numbers, while not allowing the interlocutor to answer any of them. The "respondent" in such a situation immediately comes to a standstill. This situation reminds him of a school exam and is inevitably accompanied by stress. Such manipulations are very often used by investigators during interrogations: wanting to bring the suspect to clean water, they ask the same thing, changing the wording. The interrogated person gets the impression that everything is known about his machinations, he loses self-confidence, begins to feel his helplessness. After a copious amount of questions, he himself tells the truth.
The above dialogue can be remade in a manipulation technique.
- Where have you been? Why so long? How long can you wait? What kind of urgency prevented you from even calling and warning you would be late?
Etc.
Confidence in voice and restraint (never raise your voice) can confuse a man, and he may think that you know his deceit, if any, of course, is present. Well, if your beloved is clean in front of you and there is nothing to reproach him with, then he is unlikely to lose his calmness, but will answer all your questions in order, like an excellent student who has learned his lesson well.
Rule #24
Mutual exchange of pleasantries: quid pro quo
You don't know how to get your colleague to help you with your annual report. Or you dream that your friend will invite you to a party that he throws only for VIP friends, but you don’t dare to ask for it. We suggest you use the quid pro quo manipulation.
This is a fairly effective way of manipulation. The bottom line is this: you are the first to do a favor, provide assistance, make a concession to your “victim”, and after that ask for a small favor for you. This method works almost flawlessly. You are using human conscience as your assistant. People have a clear mechanism of mutual assistance and mutual assistance: the majority lives according to the principle: "you - to me, I - to you." By rendering a service, we, firstly, win over a man to ourselves, and secondly, we achieve the appearance of a feeling of unexpressed gratitude.
To get your man from you, you must make him believe in your disinterestedness and sincere desire to help. Here's what it looks like in practice. For example, you want to go to a nightclub with your girlfriend without your boyfriend. Prepare a little surprise for his arrival: "Darling, tonight's dinner is your favorite shrimp and a mug of beer for dessert." If you manage to create the conditions for him to have a great evening without you, then out of a sense of gratitude they will certainly repay you in the same coin - they will agree to let you go alone.
If your friend accidentally mentioned a grand party that he throws at his house only for the elite, but is in no hurry to invite you, do not immediately despair. Give him a gift that he cannot refuse: invite him to go to a concert of his favorite band, a ticket for which you accidentally turned out to be, and then you will definitely be among those invited.
Rule #25
Innocent blackmail: tease a man
The blackmail method is best used when all other possible methods have already been used and have not brought any results. This method of manipulation is as follows: you are trying to scare a man, trying to force him to fulfill your request, otherwise you promise to do something that he cannot bear, which he is terribly afraid of, which he dreams of in nightmares.
Manipulation will only bear fruit if you know what a man is afraid of. For example: “If you don’t stop throwing your dirty socks around the house, I’ll stop washing them,” “If you come home from work so late every day, I’ll go to my mother,” “If you don’t stop drinking, I’ll leave you.” You must understand the danger of this method of manipulation: after all, you can not scare a man, but, on the contrary, make him happy. Perhaps he is just waiting for you to finally leave him or go to your mother, and he will do what he really wants. In addition, there is a danger that manipulative blackmail can lead to a serious quarrel. As soon as you feel that you have gone too far and your threats only annoy the man, you should stop and try to make peace.
If you decide to use this ploy, you must be as serious as possible - do not smile, speak confidently and decisively. Do everything so that a man believes you, is truly frightened, feels himself in your power. Remember that you must be serious, otherwise you will not be believed and you will lose. Your demand and your actions, in case of non-fulfilment, must be proportionate: for example, if you want your man to stop being late for dates, you can scare him by becoming forgetful yourself and just not come next time.
Remember also that you should not resort to this method of manipulation too often. If you have never tried to carry out your threat, the man will understand that you are just bluffing, that your blackmail is nothing more than a desperate attempt to make him dance to your tune. Therefore, this method is best used only in exceptional cases, when other methods no longer help.
Chapter 3
How to persuade a man to do what you want?
Rule #26
How to persuade a man to visit your mother?
Persuading a man to visit your mother - a real or potential mother-in-law - is not an easy task. It so happened historically that the relationship between a parent and a contender for the hand and heart of her daughter, as a rule, has a slightly strained character.
There are, of course, happy exceptions when mother-in-law and son-in-law live in perfect harmony. If people close to you can not make contact, then this chapter is for you.
Are your lover's visits to your mother so rare that he still can't remember her name? Does your offer to visit your mother make him nervous? Is he always looking for an excuse to turn down another date? Use manipulation to persuade your man to pay another visit to your mother. Here are some ways you can use.
Method 1: "Flew out of my head." The essence of this method is as follows: you report a meeting with your parent suddenly, referring to your own forgetfulness: “Dear, I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you that today my mother is waiting for us to visit.” If your beloved tries to refuse the meeting, say that it’s impossible , because your mother has already prepared her signature pie and is certainly waiting for you. If that doesn't work, then come up with some imaginary reason for the visit - for example, a visit in honor of a birthday or a promotion.
Method 2: "Phenomenal forgetfulness." Begin preparations for the visit without explanation. When your beloved asks where you are going, reproach him for forgetfulness: “I told you last week that we were going to visit my parents, but you, as usual, forgot. You know how important this is to me."
Method 3: "Get sympathy for your mom." In order to make meeting your loved ones more desirable, try to make them like each other. How to do it? You should not literally retell your telephone conversations with your mother, convey all her reproaches and discontent. Compliment your lover on her behalf: “My mother admired you so much, she thinks that I made a good choice”, “Mom says that you are very talented and smart”, “Mom is sure that you are making a good career.”
Try to persuade your mother to be more friendly and benevolent towards your chosen one. Even if he does not suit her in some way, explain to her that this is your choice and you do not intend to change anything. Persuade her to please your companion: let her praise him, cook his favorite dish for dinner, be attentive to him. Then your man will understand that your mother is not such a tyrant and despot as she seemed at first, she is a very nice person and treats him with respect. The emerging sympathy will make their meetings much more pleasant.
Rule #27
How to persuade a man to give you an expensive gift?
You want to persuade your man to spend a significant amount of money on you, but you don't know where to start. You understand that you should not act directly, since you may come across a decisive “no” on his part, but which of the methods of manipulation should you use? Which one will be the most effective?
In order to achieve your goal, you can use several fairly effective methods of covert control.
Your task is to convince the man that the acquisition of this thing is vital for you, that you cannot do without it at all. How to convince him of this? Try to use all your acting talents. The success of the whole event will depend on how much you yourself will want to purchase a new dress or jewelry. You don't have time for doubt. Once in a jewelry store, try to sincerely portray admiration for the chic necklace that you have been dreaming of for so long. Feel free to express yourself, try to be maximalist: “This is exactly what I have dreamed of all my adult life, if I get this, I will be the happiest woman in the world.” If your man believes that this purchase is really important for you, he is unlikely to refuse you it. Try to confuse the man, mislead him about the required amount. If he asks the seller to name the price, ask the seller not to name it right away: refer to the fact that you don’t want to be upset, but still would like to try on. If you wear the jewelry or dress of your dreams, then consider that you have already won half.
There is another important tip. Never warn your man in advance about the upcoming shopping trip or that you want to buy a very expensive item. By warning him in advance of upcoming expenses, you give him time to think. During this time, he can gather his thoughts, think carefully about whether it is worth giving you such an expensive gift. It's better if you drag your beloved into a trendy boutique or expensive restaurant quite spontaneously, as if not intending to buy anything. Such spontaneity will be in your favor - a man simply will not be able to orient himself, therefore, most likely, he will fulfill your “little” whim.
In addition, bringing your beloved to the store, you get one more advantage - you can demonstrate a future purchase. As you know, visibility is better than a thousand words. Your man will surely appreciate how great the necklace or evening dress you have chosen looks on you. And perhaps, without even looking at the price, he will give the seller his credit card.
Rule #28
How to persuade a man to cook dinner?
There is a common misconception among men that only women should cook. Male care - earn more money, and a woman must create all the conditions for this: first of all, feed her man. The male half of the population is not embarrassed by the fact that women, just like them, work, look after children (if there are any, of course), take care of themselves and manage to tidy up the house. Men often do not wonder how their beloved manages everything.
If you don't want to turn into a tormented housewife with only housework on her mind, you will have to learn how to exploit your beloved. If you have no idea how to get your man to help you around the house, for example, to cook something edible for you, then this chapter is for you.
To begin with, try to convince him that cooking is not a purely feminine occupation and that many men love to cook very much, and in restaurants the chef is predominantly male. It is not necessary to state this directly. You can talk about this topic by chance, as if not pursuing any goals. During dinner, for example, you can tell your man a story about the wonderful talent of your girlfriend's husband: they say that he cooks in such a way that you just lick your fingers. One of the many culinary programs can be among your favorite programs, it is better if the participants are predominantly men. It is desirable that your man be present when watching it and at least look at the TV screen with one eye.
The most important thing is to get the first step on the part of a man: if he picks up a cookbook, then he will probably wake up with a desire to surprise you. As they say, dashing trouble is the beginning. How to achieve this? Come up with some urgent business for yourself that will prevent you from coming home for dinner for a week. For example, an emergency at work: a balance sheet or something else. The first days a man can eat in a cafe, but sooner or later he will get up to the stove and try to satisfy his need for homemade food. Perhaps the beginning will not be too virtuoso - banal scrambled eggs and pasta with sausages, then he will be interested in the recipe in the specially left by you on the table cookbook. And, who knows, maybe when you come home after another hard day at work, you will find on the table a wonderful dinner prepared by the hands of your own husband.
Another way to get a man to stand up to the stove is a sharp deterioration in the quality of your dishes: for completely incomprehensible reasons, you learn how to cook - everything burns and is oversalted so that it is completely impossible to eat. Having eaten to the full with salted soup and burnt cutlets, your man will simply have to take a book of recipes into his hands.
There is another reliable way to make a man cook. It is known that men are very kind to pregnant women, they try to please them in everything. So, if your desire to teach your beloved to cook coincides with your joint desire to have a child, then go ahead. Your loved one will be ready for anything for you and your future child.
Rule #29
How to persuade a man to pay more attention to you?
Do you think that your beloved does not pay enough attention to you? He has too much to do at work, so he always comes back late, or meets with his friends too often, or maybe, when he comes home, he just lies down on the sofa and watches TV, not even wanting to talk to you. If you want to make a difference, then you need to seriously work on your relationship.
There may be various reasons for this behavior. Perhaps he is thinking about your future and trying to earn as much money as possible. Or he just values his friends very much, so he is always glad to meet them. Another option: he is so tired at work that he does not have time to talk at all. But in any case, if a man does not pay enough attention to you, you are also the culprit of this inattention. Perhaps the man has lost interest in you, he has become bored in your company, so he is looking for a way to reduce the time of your joint leisure. You can change the situation if you want.
Try to turn the return of your man home from work into a little holiday. The main thing is that the desire to go home returns to him, there is confidence that a beautiful wife is waiting for him there and a delicious dinner is ready. Analyze the topics of your conversations, think about whether you are an interesting interlocutor for your man. Very often, women simply do not know how to interest a man, they incessantly crackle cosmetics, fashionable clothes and women's trinkets. You must understand that men are a different world, they are interested in completely different topics. Of course, you don't have to talk to them about cars and football, but you can try to get into his inner world, try to show interest in the things he lives for - his work, his friends, his hobbies.
Being an interesting conversationalist for your chosen one is half the success. The other depends on your ability to use the little female tricks. To get more attention, you need to be able to attract it. How? Very simple.
- Darling, how do I look today?(And you must always look your best, and you can ask this question as often as you wish.)
It will be nice if strangers can appreciate your beauty and charm. Your relationship will benefit from a little jealousy on the part of your chosen one. Your man could lose interest in you, because he was sure that you were in his power and would not go anywhere. Try to shake his confidence, create a threat to his inner peace, make him worry. As soon as there is a danger of losing you, a man will begin to pay attention to you much more often than before.
The desire of a man to be close to his beloved woman largely depends on her talent to organize joint leisure. Remember how long ago you were in the cinema together, sitting in the last row and kissing. When was the last time you went to a restaurant or cafe together? Or maybe you just need to go to the skating rink, because you used to love to do this very much. In general, think about how you can diversify your life, make it colorful, fill it with new experiences, be proactive - and then your man will pay more attention to you.
Rule #30
How to persuade a man to make repairs to your taste?
You really want to update your dilapidated housing - redevelop, revive the interior. But you can’t come to a compromise in any way, you constantly quarrel over trifles. The repair was delayed, because you can’t agree on which wallpaper to prefer.
The repair problem has become fatal for many couples: the lovers parted without coming to a compromise. If such a dangerous issue as housing renewal has appeared in your life, you should be very careful about it and act not through persuasion and requests, but through manipulation.
Men are sure that they are much better than women at all, with regard to repairs. In order for your opinion in choosing wallpaper and new furniture to become authoritative for your man, you need to work hard.
To begin with, you yourself need to decide what you want. It is important that you clearly articulate the idea of your new interior. You should not prove to your chosen one only out of a sense of contradiction and self-importance that the bedroom must certainly have yellow wallpaper, and not brown, as he wants.
You need to turn your idea into the idea of your man, convince him that it originated in his head. Make him believe that he wants yellow wallpaper, not brown. How to do it?
Use the "random page" method. Leave, as if by accident, a fashionable interior design magazine on the dining table. It should be opened exactly on the page on which the interior is depicted, in your opinion, very well suited for your apartment. If the man does not react in any way to this, then you can completely “accidentally” forget this magazine in the bedroom, in the living room, or even in the closet (your man will definitely have time to think there). The result of such a manipulation should be his complete confidence that the interior design that HE found in the magazine would be very good for your apartment.
If this technique does not work and your man remains in his opinion, then you can turn to a qualified specialist. People, as a rule, are more willing to trust the authoritative opinion of an outsider. Consult with an interior designer first. Ask him at the next meeting, which you will come to with your man, to advise you exactly the option that you liked the most. Be sure that your man will agree with the opinion of a specialist. You can even doubt the designer's advice: "But it seems to me that the option with brown wallpaper will suit us." We assure that the man will agree with the opinion of the specialist. The deed is done: you can safely proceed to the long-awaited repair.
Rule #31
How to persuade a man to quit smoking?
Your man smokes too much, you have tried everything: persuasion, requests, and threats, but nothing works on him. It still smokes like a steam locomotive, despite your dislike of this bad habit. Well, it's time for you to resort to manipulation and help your man quit smoking.
This is a very difficult question: is it necessary to try to wean a man to smoke. The fact is that for a smoker with experience, opponents of a bad habit are his enemies. In most cases, a smoker depends on cigarettes both physiologically and psychologically. Moreover, if physiological dependence can be overcome with the help of various medications, then it is not possible to get rid of psychological dependence. This is where you can help your loved one.
You can’t use the blackmail technique in this case: if you don’t quit smoking, then I will leave you. A man, most likely, will not quit smoking, but will secretly continue to poison his body. Perhaps your words can be the beginning of a serious confrontation or even conflict between you.
You must operate by the method of covert control. Your task is to convince him that smoking is an addiction and that it greatly limits his existence. Invite, for example, him to a new restaurant, book a table in advance. Arriving there, you kind of accidentally find out that this is a non-smoking restaurant. On the one hand, you deliberately create discomfort for your man, and on the other hand, you prove to him that bad habit limits him. Arrange more frequent trips to the cinema, theater - where you need to limit yourself for a long time in satisfying the need to smoke. When you meet your mother, you can ask him not to tell her that he smokes, as she hates cigarette smoke and always swears. Your man is unlikely to refuse you, and during the entire visit he will have to hide his addiction to nicotine.
Try to let him know that he is able to cope with nicotine addiction. Always celebrate his progress: "Honey, you haven't smoked for three hours." Be on his side, be his friend, not his enemy. Help, don't scold.
In order to quit smoking, your man must have an incentive, so to speak, a super task. He must answer himself the question: why does he want to get rid of cigarettes? For women, pregnancy can become such an incentive: many women will quit smoking when they learn that they will become mothers. Your pregnancy can also be a stimulus for your chosen one: "The child needs fresh air, so you should quit smoking in the apartment, or rather quit completely, so as not to make your first child a passive smoker." Or, for example, you can find your man a vacant position in a prestigious company. When he gets excited about getting this job, you can let him know that this company favors people without bad habits. Then, perhaps, he will have a desire to get rid of his addiction.
It is possible that you will not succeed in completely weaning your beloved addiction, but even if you reduce the number of cigarettes you smoke per day, this will be a great achievement.
Rule #32
How to persuade a man to marry you?
Do you think that your relationship with your beloved man is stuck in one place? You are still just his girlfriend and he is just your boyfriend. You have long been convinced of the strength of your feelings, but for some reason he is in no hurry to propose to you. You think it's time to take the bull by the horns.
A man's fear of marriage is quite understandable: almost every man is afraid of losing his own independence, parting with the so-called male freedom. Just like any woman is afraid to remain unmarried or simply an old maid. How to persuade your man to marry? Yes, it's very simple: you need to convince him that marriage is not as scary as it seems. You must save your loved one from the widespread male prejudice that the end of a bachelor's life is the beginning of a new, boring and hopeless, life of a married man.
Almost every man is frightened by the persistent female desire to become his wife. Therefore, try to hide from your chosen one your irresistible desire to get a stamp in your passport. There are tricks of many women that are resorted to in order to force a man to marry. Someone gives birth to children, counting on the nobility of their father: he will not abandon his offspring. Someone is trying to lure a man with their culinary talents: I am such a good hostess, you simply cannot find better. This is also a kind of manipulation, but each of these methods has its own errors: they may or may not work.
We offer you a win-win option. You must fully support the man in his conviction that a good deed cannot be called marriage. Stand on the side of inveterate bachelors who do not want to hear anything about wedding ceremonies, dresses, festivities of boring distant relatives. Be persistent in your rejection of the institution of marriage as such. Try to convince your man that you want to always be free as the wind.
At first, such a policy cannot but please your man. He will admire you, so unlike other women, and rejoice in his own happiness. But after a while, a treacherous thought will surely come to his mind: if you value your freedom so much, are you ready to part with it for him, are you able to prove your love. Your man may be seriously afraid that you, so bright and extraordinary, will simply leave him at one fine moment. Be sure that sooner or later the proposal to marry on his part will come first timidly, then more and more insistently.
Your task is to play the performance to the end, not to agree to the first marriage proposal. He must seek your consent as long and painfully as he sought reciprocity from you. Men always value what they had to get with blood and sweat.
Rule #33
How to persuade a man to have a child?
You can not wait to give birth to a child, but for some reason your chosen one is against it? He is sure that a child is too responsible a step that can change your whole life. And he's not ready for it yet. How to convince him that a child is not only a burden of responsibility, but also a wonderful gift of fate?
Among manipulative techniques, the “positive example” method is best suited here. We saw young parents with a baby walking in the park - be sure to note how cute they look. If you have friends with a child, be sure to organize a trip to them together with your chosen one. See how they live, how they cope, ask if they have free time, if they manage to relax. It is best if the baby is already more than a year, and the parents have already managed to acclimatize after its appearance.
Your man can change his mind about fatherhood if you arrange for him to talk to a new dad. It will be great if dad shares his impressions of the arrival of a new member in their family. He will tell you how much he changed his life. It will be great if the impressions of the father of the child are so vivid and striking that your beloved will burn with the desire to have a child of his own.
If this does not work, then try using the "immersion" method. Make an appointment with your friend who has a child. And ask your man to sit with her child for a short time while you chat about your business. Very often, men do not want to have children, because they experience some fear of them: many simply do not know what to do with them. For such insecure men, this method is suitable. After sitting with a child for an hour and a half, a man will begin to form an image of fatherhood, he may ask the question: “Can I be a good father?” If he fails to establish contact with the child after the first meeting, then it should be repeated several more times until he has an interest in the child and a desire to experience fatherly feelings.
Rule #34
How to persuade a man to leave his mistress?
You accidentally found out about the betrayal of your loved one. How to act in such a situation? Leave him, make a scandal or demand that he immediately break up with his mistress? If you decide to save your union, we will help you with this.
Cheating does not happen from scratch, therefore, if you are sure that your beloved has started an affair on the side, you must analyze your relationship and understand where you made a mistake, where you are imperfect and what he lacks.
If you still decide to save your relationship, your man is dear to you, then scandals, persuasion and pleas are unlikely to help you. Use the hidden control technique so that your man voluntarily leaves his mistress. Few women manage to win back their man, getting out of the water dry, that is, to maintain their union and at the same time not to drop their own dignity. How to do it? Here are just a few useful tips and efficient techniques.
1. If a man has not yet revealed his secret to you, and you found out about it by chance, having met him with his mistress, then know that he values \u200b\u200byour relationship, he does not want to lose you, and the connection on the side is not so serious for him. In this case, use your own importance, provoke a situation in which a man understands that he can lose you. To do this, you just need to expose your beloved, bring him to clean water, make it clear that you know everything. Exposure should not be accompanied by a scandal or threats, try to be balanced and as calm as possible.
2. Make a man jealous. Create intrigue in your relationship - hint that you also have an affair. This can be done very simply: ask a friend to call you late in the evening, and when a man asks who it was, get embarrassed and come up with some ridiculous excuse that it was a work colleague . For a man, as a rule, your betrayal is a fantasy. They allow their own betrayal, but do not imagine that their woman can change them. If he has a suspicion that you are cheating on him, then he will throw all his strength into finding out the truth. You can keep up the intrigue by making new allusions without presenting direct evidence. Your man will begin to pay more attention to you, and he simply will not have time for his mistress, but interest in you will wake up if he realizes that he must seek you again, moreover, “beat off” you from your imaginary lover.
3. And, finally, an integral part of female manipulation is a seductive appearance. You will have to make more than one trip to the beauty salon. Awaken in yourself the desire to spend your entire salary on yourself. The compliments of the surrounding men addressed to you, their passionate glances should make your man look at you with the same eyes that he looked once upon a time when he courted you. Try to revive his feelings, and he himself will forget the one he wanted to exchange you for.
Rule #35
How to persuade a man to give you a salary?
Does everyone in your family have their own pocket, their own expenses and incomes? You dream that your beloved will give you everything to the penny. And he still hides his income from you, and you only have an approximate idea of how much he receives. How to be?
If you and your lover are accomplished individuals with good jobs, you may not be asking yourself this question. But if you still do not have an idea about the family budget, your family cannot be called complete. In order to force your beloved to reveal all the hidden items of income and expenses, you can use several effective manipulation techniques.
Usually men hide their income in order to make it easier to hide expenses. After all, if you don’t know how much he earns, you won’t know how much, and most importantly, what he spends his savings on. Your task is to “unwind” your man, make him play openly.
This can be done in the following way. Try to pass your total expenses on it. Let him pay for groceries, utilities, going to restaurants and movies. You can explain your insolvency by the fact that, having received your next salary, you decided to look into a fashion boutique and accidentally spent everything. This can be repeated for more than one month, until your beloved himself offers you to spend your “general” savings more economically. Thus, you will lead him to the idea that it is time to combine your financial efforts.
Another variant. You may have an idea to buy a car or an apartment. The main thing is that this purchase is of interest to your man. You can look after a new car together, consult on estimates and about loan options. Thus, you will kindle in your man the desire to purchase this thing as soon as possible. That's when you can start taking action. “Darling, we can only fulfill our dream if we are very economical, start to consider our expenses.” You can even try to start a family budget book, in which you will keep track of your savings. In such a situation, your beloved is unlikely to refuse to share his savings, because buying a new car is in his interests. And after its acquisition, the concept of "family budget" will become familiar to both of you.
Chapter 4
How to resist the manipulation of men?
Rule #36
Develop reflection: understand yourself, your goals and the goals of others
Do you think that you are very easily influenced by the representatives of the stronger sex? Do you feel unable to resist their manipulations? In order to give a worthy rebuff to the manipulator, you must learn to understand yourself and your goals.
In order to expose the manipulator, try to always anticipate the further development of events, think ahead, try to find out the man's goal before he voiced it. Be alert and always ready to refuse if the man's offer does not interest you. If you feel that a man is pulling you into his web like a spider, then you should refuse his offer.
Let us give an example of a conversation between a manipulator and a girl who succumbed to his influence and failed to resist his manipulation. , does not contain any threat. Hearing such a confession, the girl is naturally flattered, embarrassed, she tries to respond with sincerity to sincerity. She agrees to a date. Having secured the consent, the young man does not let her come to her senses, he immediately offers her two options for a date: a hotel outside the city or an apartment in a local motel. The girl is confused and does not know what to choose. The man insists on a quick decision. She decides that it’s not worth going out of town, and chooses a more suitable, in her opinion, option - a hotel in the city. A man orders a rather expensive room, in the room he treats his chosen one with champagne and delicacies - all this costs him dearly. The girl begins to feel awkward, she feels that she owes her companion. She understands that she is unlikely to be able to refuse him if he asks her to spend the night with him. Which is what happens as a result.
In this case, the skillful actions of the manipulator-man and the inability to resist him on the part of the girl are evident. What should have been done in this situation? The girl did not even try to figure out the purpose of this man, although it was obvious from the very beginning. The man suggested that she arrange a date not in a restaurant or a park, but in a hotel, from which one could conclude what he was trying to achieve. In this case, the man skillfully used a manipulative technique. He offered the girl an imaginary alternative: to spend time either in a country hotel or in a city one. In fact, the essence of the proposal has not changed. In such a situation, the girl could herself suggest a third scenario, for example, take a walk in the park or go to her favorite cafe. She did not do this and found herself at the mercy of her companion. But, even having accepted his proposal, she should not feel awkward, feel indebted to her companion. The girl was embarrassed because the man spent a lot of money - this is another method of manipulation. The man hoped that by giving his companion such a gift, having rendered some kind of service, he could ask her for anything. It so happened that the girl could not refuse when he made her a fairly frank proposal. The mistake of the girl in this example is very revealing: we can conclude that in dealing with a man you need to be on the alert, be able to calculate his goals in advance and be able to refuse if his goals do not coincide with your desires.
Rule #37
Be extremely careful
Often men turn out to be successful manipulators due to banal female inattention. Women are not always able to focus on the main subject of conversation, it is very easy to switch them to extraneous subjects. Therefore, one more extremely important advice: in dealing with men, be careful!
In a conversation with a man, you should always filter out unnecessary information and leave only the main thing - what the man started this conversation for.
How to learn to concentrate on the main subject of conversation? First of all, remember the main tricks of the manipulator, with the help of which he can try to switch your attention, distract you, bring down the table. For example, in the course of a conversation, a man may suddenly remember an important meeting for which he is allegedly late, or an urgent call that he needs to make. Thus, he switches your attention. Your task is to concentrate on his request and try not to be distracted by these tricks. Very often manipulators after applying this technique ask you to immediately give a final answer to a question or make a decision. In order not to fall for these tricks, you should once again clarify with your interlocutor the essence of his request or proposal.
In a conversation with a manipulator, do not be afraid to ask again, clarify, interrupt. Some have been extremely successful in using the "quick talk" method to confuse a person. This method of manipulation is designed for the lack of attentiveness of a person who can miss important details of the conversation due to the interlocutor's fast pace. If you encounter this trick, ask the person to slow down and start over. Or, at the very beginning, ask some clarifying question - this will immediately knock the manipulator out of rhythm.
Another way to switch attention is to transfer the conversation to another topic.
Here are some examples:
- Honey, I'm going to meet my friends today. You know, you look great today. Have you changed your hairstyle?
- Honey, I'm leaving on a business trip for a week. Dinner today was excellent. Do you think you added curry to the chicken?
Similarly, men often divert our attention from an important subject. The essence of the manipulation is clear: the woman simply does not have time to think over the information received and, as a rule, answers the last question asked of her, losing sight of what was said at the very beginning. To prevent this from happening to you, try to immediately resist manipulation: without answering the question, ask a counter one:
- I didn't hear when you meet your friends.
- Please repeat when you are going on a business trip.
Rule #38
Pretend to be ignorant and unaware of the matter
You were asked to fulfill a small request, but you don’t really want to do this, but you also don’t want to offend the one who asks with the refusal. In order to competently refuse, you can pretend to be a person who does not understand this issue: “I cannot understand the essence of your request.”
A colleague at work asks you to work for a non-shift on a day off. You really don’t want to lose your day off, but it’s somehow embarrassing to refuse without a good reason. You can answer like this: “You know, last month I also changed shifts with Marinka, but something was messed up in the accounting department and the salary was calculated less than usual. I tried to find out, but I didn’t understand anything in their explanations and decided not to change shifts with anyone anymore, otherwise I’ll get the least of all. To all his persuasions and proposals to figure it out yourself, you can simply dismiss it and stand your ground: “I didn’t understand this issue and I don’t want to be fooled again.”
We find another illustrative example of such manipulation in the literature - in N.V. Gogol's poem "Dead Souls", the female character Korobochka behaves in a similar way. Chichikov calls her "club-headed" because she does not want to sell dead souls to him and explains this by the fact that she does not understand what the essence of the transaction is. Such tactics characterize Korobochka as a woman with good intuition: she understands that Chichikov wants to cheat her and tries to resist his manipulations.
You can use this tactic in various situations: misunderstanding of the interlocutor very often infuriates even an experienced manipulator, he loses his temper and, as a rule, does not reach the intended goal.
The boss calls you and asks you to tell about the violations you noticed on the part of the employees of the enterprise. You do not want to spoil relations with the boss, but you also do not want to give out “your own”. He tries to find out the truth from you, using the most sophisticated methods of manipulation. The easiest and surest way to resist is to say that you have seen nothing and know nothing. The main thing in this situation is to be persistent in your "testimonies". In no case do not enter into long explanations and bickering about what if you knew, you would definitely say, because you are a very honest worker and always tell the truth. Answer all questions in one word: “I didn’t see anything”, “I don’t understand what you are asking”, “I definitely don’t know what to tell you”, etc. The monotony of answers will not allow your boss to find weakness in your testimony, and he will be forced to believe you.
Rule #39
Don't make decisions "here and now"
If you are required to make an immediate decision, this means only one thing: your interlocutor is trying to manipulate you, he is trying not to give you time to think, so that you do not change your mind and reject his proposal. Your task is to slow down the hurried interlocutor and take a time out in order to weigh everything.
Imagine this situation: you are walking through the stores and suddenly you see a huge poster on one of them: “Only today and only we have 99% discounts on all products.” Do you think you'll go inside? Of course. A very tempting offer. The store has even more attractive information - on all products you see two price tags: one, old, with a five-digit number, the other with a three-digit one. "Wow! you think. "I'm extremely lucky." Although you didn't intend to buy anything anytime soon, the unique offer made you change your mind and you are in a hurry to make as many purchases as possible at this unique price. Coming home, considering new acquisitions, you find that things are not of very good quality, some are defective, and you did not even take the check in a hurry. A week later, as you pass by this store, you stumble across the same unique sale sign and see people leaving the store with happy faces, thinking about how fabulously lucky they are.
This example once again proves the truth: measure seven times, cut once. You always need to think, even when you are offered an unrealistically good deal, a unique purchase with a crazy discount, or something else. In any case, remember that if you are asked to make a decision now, then you need to be on your guard. After listening to your interlocutor, you should answer the questions: “Do I need this right now? For such money? Will this work for me?" If the answers are positive, then you should not lose your head and agree to a purchase or a deal. You must receive appropriate guarantees: that if the case fails, you can get the money back. If your interlocutor does not give such a guarantee, it means that you have a manipulator who wants to deceive you.
Rule #40
Don't talk too much about yourself
Any information about you can be used against you. This is the law of manipulation. If you figured out the manipulator, try to deprive him of the main tool - information about yourself, because the most effective way to resist manipulation is not to tell anything about yourself.
In reality, it can be difficult to resist the offer of a manipulator, especially if you like him. But it's still in your best interest to pull yourself together and refuse his offer. First, take a defensive position. Ignore his suggestions at all costs. However, in order to get his way, a slick manipulator may invite you to visit a trendy club or a newly opened bar. Refuse without giving a reason. Do not go into details and tell him that you prefer other types of recreation or that you do not really like noisy places. Entering into explanations, you help the manipulator: you give out invaluable information about yourself, which he will definitely try to use. A week later, he may present you with a ticket to the cinema or theater. Perhaps he really wants to please you, or perhaps this is just a tactical move. Most likely, he is just looking for a special approach to you. Tries to use knowledge about you that you suggested. Once you accept his offer, he will immediately begin to use his influence on you.
Girls very often fall for the bait of clever manipulators, making contact with them, talking about interests and hobbies. Experienced men from one insignificant conversation will immediately extract all the necessary information about you and use it next time.
Therefore, in the fight against the manipulator, be vigilant, do not enter into lengthy conversations, do not talk about your hobbies and secrets. If you do not want to seem impolite, answer all his questions in an abstract way, for example, that you do not want to talk, that you are not disposed to entertainment, or that you have too much to do. With such answers you will confuse even the most dexterous manipulator, he will not be able to learn anything new about you and, most likely, after a while he himself will be forced to abandon the dream of achieving the task.
Rule #41
Try not to show pity
Some men try to get their very best from a woman. effective way- they are pitiful. The mechanism of this manipulation is clear: a woman is unlikely to refuse to help a man unhappy and offended by fate. In order to arouse pity in a woman, men can pretend to be the most unfortunate creatures in the world, invent a story about how they were kicked out of work, abandoned by their wife.
In dealing with such "unfortunate" men, you need to be very careful. If you do not know your interlocutor well and you do not have the opportunity to check his legend, then do not rush to enter into his position, leave yourself a legitimate right to doubt. You can easily determine whether he is telling you the truth or trying to deceive, take advantage of the effect of his story. Sympathize with your interlocutor and try to find out some details of his misfortune. If he refuses to tell you his story in detail, then most likely he wants to deceive you and intentionally arouse pity. After all, if he did not want to remember this, then it is not clear why he even began to tell you about his difficult fate. There is another sign that can distinguish the supposedly unfortunate from the real. Imaginary unfortunates, as a rule, talk about their fate very pathetically, it seems that they are retelling a romantic story borrowed from some novel. People who have really experienced a tragedy either state the facts of their biography very dryly, or try not to mention it at all.
Once you figure out the manipulator, keep your eyes open. Of course, you can sympathize, but at the same time remain in a sober mind, do not lose the ability to analyze what is happening. After all, the feeling of pity deprives a woman of this ability, sometimes she is imbued with confidence in the interlocutor when he does not deserve it.
You will finally understand that you have a skillful actor in front of you when, at the end of your story, your interlocutor asks for a favor. He kind of apologizes for his request: “I was fired and I didn’t have any money left, the last money went to pay off a loan (or for my daughter’s wedding) - could you lend me some until I get back on my feet?” Or another option: "My wife left me, and I'm so lonely, I just need female affection and tenderness." Of course, it is very difficult to refuse such requests, but you must remember that this is not an unfortunate person, but a skilled manipulator who uses his mask in order to get what he needs from you.
In such a situation, you need to play for time - try to find an opportunity to think about his request. Try to knock the manipulator out of his thoughts, to ensure that the pity caused by him gives way to common sense. It is best to leave him for a while in order to weigh everything and make the right decision. After you come to your senses, you can soberly evaluate the pros and cons of his proposal.
Rule #42
Always be wary of overly kind compliments.
Remember Krylov's famous fable "The Crow and the Fox": in this work, the Fox acts as a real manipulator, her manipulation succeeds - she receives the coveted piece of cheese from the Crow. And the essence of this manipulation is ordinary flattery.
It is known that women love with their ears, for them there is nothing sweeter than the music of admiration, especially if these words sound from a male mouth. Most of the representatives of the fair half simply lose their heads and become convenient victims for the manipulator.
When should you be concerned? First, if a man rarely complimented you or never praised you at all. And then suddenly he was exactly changed: he tells you all day that you look wonderful, noticed your new shoes and appreciated the perfume. This is the first signal that something is wrong here. The second bell of danger: if the man's compliments have become more sugary, more like flattery than true admiration. This is also a sign that a man needs something from you.
The essence of the manipulation is very simple: a woman loses her head from compliments and becomes easily controlled, more trusting, begins to feel sympathy for her interlocutor. That's when a man can ask her for something.
How to resist a manipulator who is trying to ingratiate himself with you by saying a bunch of compliments? How to determine whether his admiration for you is sincere or false? This is no easy task. Get over it if you have adequate self-esteem, are able to objectively evaluate yourself and your own efforts. Try to analyze your interlocutor's compliments in terms of proximity to the truth. Of course, any woman is pleased to hear praises, especially from a man, but try to descend from the clouds to the ground and understand how these praises are true. Perhaps his words are more like flattery, uttered for selfish purposes. You should be wary if your interlocutor, with the enthusiasm of a poet, praises the harmony of your legs, and they may not have harmony, or he compliments your exquisite manner of dressing, and it seems to you that your taste is not all right.
As soon as you see through the flatterer, immediately begin defensive actions. You can use his own weapon: give him two or three compliments that are far from reality. Play with your interlocutor in the heroes of another famous Krylov's fable "The Cuckoo and the Rooster": "The Cuckoo praises the Rooster for praising the Cuckoo."
- Honey, these earrings match your eyes perfectly. You are so good at picking up jewelry. Could you help me choose a gift for my girlfriend?
- I would love to, but with your impeccable taste, you do not need an assistant and are even contraindicated.
Rule #43
What to do if a man creates the appearance of intellectual superiority
Women prefer smart men, and therefore the representatives of the stronger sex try to produce the appropriate effect in order to gain confidence. Does your interlocutor sprinkle with the sayings of philosophers and use unfamiliar words? He seems too smart to argue with him, and you don't even try to prove your point, although it fundamentally diverges from the speaker's point of view. Be careful: you may just be manipulated.
Very often, in order to gain women's trust, a man creates the illusion of intellectual superiority. This method of manipulation is based on human fear of admitting one's ignorance. Therefore, instead of arguing with "smart" people, we tend to agree with them. How to distinguish a manipulator from a really smart person? Manipulators use bookish, underused words to appear smarter. Their speech is too pretentious for ordinary conversation. Clever man, on the contrary, does not boast of his intellect, but tries to explain his point of view in an accessible form for the layman. Manipulators, instead of the standard question “How are you? How is the weekend?”, you may be asked: “How is your precious well-being? Did you manage to enjoy your weekend?” In the speech of the “wise men”, words that you have not heard of often slip through - their use often leads to a dead end: “Don’t you think that she is behaving irrationally?” or "I think his tie is too eclectic, isn't it?" In speech, manipulators often use quotes from famous people: “Just on this occasion, Goethe said ...” or “But Schopenhauer thought differently ...”. Very often such quotes are invented and have nothing in common with those to whom they are attributed. This is done intentionally in order to embarrass the interlocutor: here, they say, how smart I am.
In order not to succumb to manipulation of this kind, we suggest mastering the following techniques. Learn a few "smart" words that your interlocutor is unlikely to have heard of, and if he has heard, he does not know what they mean - for example, congruence, transcendence, etc. You can invent several independent quotes and attribute them to famous people, just like your interlocutor did : "Recently I re-read Dostoevsky, and therefore he said about it ..." or "But Hegel believed that ...". By taking advantage of the tactics of the enemy, you can resist his manipulations. Of course, this method of confrontation can only be used if you are really sure that you are facing a manipulator who does not have encyclopedic knowledge.
Rule #44
How to counter your boss's manipulation?
Do you think that your boss often uses manipulation, and you are unable to resist them? A good boss is always a good manipulator. Its main task is to manage, sometimes for this you have to use hidden control levers.
How to calculate the boss-manipulator? Your boss has a democratic management style. He never shouts and demands nothing, but you always fulfill his demands peremptorily. After all, he is your boss. You find him charming, even attractive. He does not skimp on compliments and always notes changes in the appearance of employees. If the boss himself personally asks you for something, then you agree, for example, to work overtime without extra pay, go on a business trip instead of a sick employee. You never once asked for a pay rise. Your attitude towards the leader is respectful and respectful. If all of the above apply to your situation, then most likely you are being manipulated.
How to resist the manipulator if he is your boss? The task is not easy. First you need to learn to demand. Start small: ask for a day off at your own expense or a small amount up front. I'm sure you won't be denied. Further - more: salary increase, career growth, social benefits, etc. Of course, you will not come to this right away.
Your embarrassment in front of the boss is dictated by his ability to manipulate people, to make them trust him. You are flattered that he notices your new hairstyle, new dress and praises you for your success. That is why it is simply embarrassing for you to ask for material incentives for labor. A feeling of embarrassment arises for you: it is inconvenient for you to ask for something else from your already impeccable boss, it is embarrassing to reproach him for not appreciating your work enough. But such is life: you must convince your boss that you want to receive not only compliments and praises for your work, but also worthy material rewards.
Your position in the company will become stronger if you declare yourself, show your ability to resist the leader. You just need to do it without aggression and negativity. You can introduce an element of play, flirting into communication with a male director: react to his compliments, smile more often, joke. Remember that communication between a woman and a man is always something more, even if there is nothing between them.
Rule #45
What to do if a man uses his financial superiority?
One of the most reliable and proven ways to manipulate a woman is money. There is a rule of etiquette that says that a man who invites a lady to a restaurant must pay for her order. But this rule has long become a tool for clever manipulators of women's consciousness.
In the West, with the development of emancipation, women saw through this male trick, so everyone pays for himself there. In our country, this rule is valid, but with a caveat: a woman allows herself to pay for herself, but at the same time she feels obliged to her companion.
A feeling of awkwardness and unexpressed gratitude accompanies a woman if she receives an expensive gift, if a man pays for a taxi taken for two, or simply offers a woman to use his discount card. It is this feeling of awkwardness that the manipulators take advantage of.
Of course, a man can give you a gift or pay a restaurant bill disinterestedly, out of a feeling of sympathy for you, following the rules of good manners. But most often behind such actions lies a desire to force you to fulfill his request.
How to resist such manipulation? You must remember that if a man invited you to a restaurant and paid for your order, this does not mean at all that you should thank him in some special way, other than the usual “thank you”. Further requests or desires of a man, you can fulfill or not fulfill at your discretion. Remember that by paying for your order, the man simply followed the rules of etiquette, and did not provide you with an extraordinary service. In order to feel more confident in such situations, you can practice. For example, accept an invitation from strangers to join them in a bar, and after sitting for a while and ordering a glass of wine, bow out and leave. In this case, you will do everything right, the main thing is that the company is adequate. Repeat this "trick" several times. If you still feel awkward and begin to dance "to the tune" of your gentleman, then use the Western method - pay for yourself.
Rule #46
How to talk to a man who demonstrates his power superiority?
Men stronger than women. This superiority is another way of manipulating the female consciousness. In order to persuade a woman to their side, to convince her that they are right, men demonstrate their advantage.
The mechanism of this manipulation is quite obvious: it is stronger, so it’s better not to argue with me. Men demonstrate their superiority to us daily. Heavy bag? I can deliver it. Has the car skidded? I can push her. Stuck lightning? I can fix it. Usually this is a display without intent, but skilled manipulators try to use this advantage for their own gain.
To do this, they can organize a whole performance: for example, stage an attack by hooligans and defeat them, or the theft of a handbag and its return. Your savior, strong and brave, is automatically the owner of your trust.
Manipulators can find a way to demonstrate their superiority in real life as well. For example, having noticed your titanic efforts to drag documents from the archive, the manipulator can offer its services. Or, seeing how you are trying to cross a huge puddle on your toes, he will carry you in his arms. Perhaps his actions are caused by a feeling of sympathy for you, or perhaps he wants to gain your trust, to arouse your sympathy.
Your actions: take a close look at a man who flaunts his strength in front of you. Try to guess his motives: whether he just wants to impress or tries to manipulate you. For the purity of the experiment, you can play the role of a gullible girl who is subdued by his charm and strength. You will figure out the manipulator when, having made sure of your trust, he expresses his request or desire. Convinced of his selfish intentions, you can safely refuse him if his proposal does not interest you.
Rule #47
How to communicate with men from the category "my boyfriend"?
There is a special type of men whom women classify as "their own". They are trusted with the most terrible secrets, they chat with them about clothes and discuss hobbies, they say about them: "Your boyfriend." These are men with whom they are mostly friends, but never have an affair. Be careful in dealing with such men, perhaps your friend is a skilled manipulator.
The universal way to win over a person is to become like him, become his copy, pretend that you share his interests. Gradually, they begin to perceive you as their own, and no one expects meanness or other trick from you. Remember the hero of the novel Gogol Chichikov, who had a unique talent for conquering hearts. He skillfully manipulated people, copying their behavior and agreeing with their assessments.
Agree, you rarely meet a man who enjoys talking about shopping or makeup. If your acquaintance does not belong to the category of sexual minorities, then most likely he is trying to enter into your confidence for further manipulation. You are unlikely to be able to refuse a "tiny" request to "your boyfriend."
You can resist such manipulation in the following way. Keep your communication with him to a minimum, try to avoid too frank conversations, do not give information about yourself, do not reveal the most secret secrets - otherwise you yourself will hand him a weapon against you. If you enjoy talking about women's issues with a member of the opposite sex, you can continue to do this, just don't let the manipulator get too close, keep it at a distance. At the first attempt to use his influence on you, let him know that his methods are unsuccessful.
- Honey, can you help me with this terrible report?
- You know, I'd love to, but I've got a lot of work to do myself.
- Honey, can you lend me some money before payday?
- I would like to help you, but I decided to.
After several failures, your "dear friend" may himself refuse to communicate with you and choose another object for manipulation.
Rule #48
How to resist the manipulation of a perfectly dressed man?
Impeccable appearance is another way of manipulation. A man dressed with taste and according to all the rules of modern fashion inspires confidence, doesn't it? Is it because you don’t often meet a man who meets all the rules of an impeccable appearance.
This method of manipulation is based on female attention to neat, well-dressed men. The impeccable appearance of men automatically increases the level of a woman's confidence in him.
Women try to judge men by themselves: since he is decently and neatly dressed, it means that he is worthy of respect. Although, you see, in practice, the pattern “a neat appearance means decency” does not always work.
If a man is dressed in accordance with all the rules and canons, then this may rather speak of his pedantry. There is a possibility that an impeccable appearance is a way of manipulating the female consciousness.
Of course, skilled manipulators use the ability to dress well as part of the manipulation as a whole, adding to this gallant demeanor, the art of persuasion, and other manipulative techniques. A manipulator who knows how to dress well is already half as close to victory. He has not said anything yet, has not done anything, and on a subconscious level you are already beginning to trust him.
When dealing with men of impeccable appearance, it is useful to check: his good taste in clothes is part of self-expression or the first successful attack on gaining your trust.
Of course, you should not express distrust to all men with good taste. But you have the right to a certain amount of skepticism towards them. Be vigilant in dealing with stiff and impeccable men. See if this gorgeously dressed gentleman is trying to take advantage of the impression he made on you, or if your attention is simply flattering to him. Even if in the future this person only causes you sympathy, do not rush to agree to fulfill his request or wish. Have a rejection ready. Perhaps your sympathy is caused by a whole complex of manipulative techniques and you are under the influence of the false charm and charm of your interlocutor.
Rule #49
How to counter a manipulator with good manners?
A man who is familiar with the rules of good taste conquers immediately. He opened the door in front of you and let you go ahead, gave a hand at the exit of public transport or, ahead of you, gallantly opened the door of his own car in front of you. Do not rush to exclaim: “Gentlemen have not yet died out in this world!” It is possible that your gallant gentleman uses his tact for manipulative purposes.
Of course, it is foolish to accuse every somewhat gallant man of trying to manipulate you. Such signs of attention are a completely normal manifestation of a man's respect for a woman. But if your companion is too helpful and polite, if he shows signs of attention with obsessive persistence and a desire to please you, then, most likely, his gallantry is just a way to manipulate you.
It is quite obvious what this method of manipulation is based on. The fair sex gets tremendous pleasure from the attention paid by others. In fact, the norms of etiquette are an opportunity to express respect to your interlocutor. But it happens differently: some men use knowledge of the rules of good manners in order to achieve your location. The second option, unfortunately, is much more common. The manipulator expects that under the influence of his spell you will lose vigilance and readily fulfill any request.
How to resist such manipulations? If you are sure that your companion is manipulating you, you may not notice his attention: enter the building without waiting for the door to be opened to you. Pretend that you did not notice the hand offered to you, refuse the offer to help you carry your bag, unless, of course, it is too heavy. Thus, rejecting the advances of your companion, you disarm him, he loses the opportunity to impress you and take advantage of it.
You need to use such confrontation tactics only when you definitely want to know that his gallantry is nothing but a method of manipulation. Otherwise, ignoring your signs of attention will be regarded as a manifestation of disrespect for the interlocutor. Be careful.
Conclusion
To sum up our discussion of manipulation, we would like to reiterate the arguments in favor of this method of management. Until now, it is believed that this is not a completely honest way to achieve their goals, that it is used only by those people who are unable to achieve their goals with the help of their own mind of an Italian. But it happens that manipulation is simply necessary, because it is the only possible way goal achievement.
For men, there is nothing more terrible than being "heeled" by his missus, and therefore, if a woman tries to manage him, give advice or demand the fulfillment of her desires, this is usually perceived negatively. That is why women have to resort to manipulation.
Defending manipulation as a way to control the representatives of the stronger sex, we still want to warn you against using these methods of influence too often. Use manipulative technique when you think other methods won't work. Leave the man the right to his own opinion, you don’t want to turn a strong personality into a weak, dependent person, a zombie man, ready to fulfill all your requirements.
In addition, always remember that manipulation is different manipulation. There are types of manipulation that do not contain malicious intent and therefore cannot negatively affect the psyche of a person close to you. This, for example, is the use of one's own attractiveness and the method of frequent praise. But there are ways, the abuse of which can bring harm - this is blackmail, a deliberate lie. Such methods should be used only as a last resort and only if you are sure that their use will not spoil your relationship.
Without a clear goal, a man is like a drifting ship that can pick up any current and wind. How to find a goal, move to new levels and realize yourself in life?
find purpose
Without a clear, distinct goal, a man is like a drifting ship, which, like a nutshell, can pick up any current. He is subordinate to the external course of events, and does not shape it. Such a helpless existence often leads to sexual impotence or mechanical, soulless sex.
Purposefulness is the highway of our destiny. Everything from the way you eat to the way you make money should be geared towards the full realization of your purpose. First you learn what it is, and then you just organize your life in accordance with this, removing obstacles from the path and minimizing wandering along detours.
And if the destination is vague and the path to it is unclear? Then your life is confusion and vacillation. Are you going to the service? Unrelated to the core of your being, it is just a way to eat well and rest well. Do you spend time with friends or family? Moment after moment, in an endless succession, it goes nowhere, giving nothing in return to either the mind or the heart. Are more examples needed?
So, you are weak, staggering under the blows of fate, and the world frightens you to such an extent that you can’t hold your legs. In addition, what is meant to be in bed with a woman falls off.
But it should be quite the opposite: every second of the working day, every moment of intimacy is filled with strength and clarity, which are generated by the heart beating in the name of the goal. You no longer just move through life and perform monotonous body movements in bed, but fill the world with your love, every second feeling its flow coming from the depths of your being.
A true man does not need to fill the inner emptiness with official duties or relationships with a girlfriend. It is already complete, already whole. For him, sex and work are a great chance to share his gift of love with the world, dissolving in sacrificial giving.
Life cycles of a man
A real man is able to devote himself to the fulfillment of the next mission, without regret leaving it at the end. He also knows how to survive painful periods of forced inactivity in anticipation of the next "super task". This alternation of selfless work with fruitless vegetation is natural for a man who solves karmic problems on the way to the source of being.
To the one who has chosen to stay on the edge of the possible, little by little the true purpose of his existence is revealed. Performing secondary tasks, he, as it were, removes layer after layer, approaching the main purpose in life.
Our life is like a system of concentric circles, crossing which from the periphery to the center we strive to the core - the main destination. The outermost circles were "inherited" by inheritance: for example, your father was a fireman, and you dream of the same thing (and if you have had problems with your parent since childhood, then you are thinking about the career of Herostratus). These goals, with rare exceptions, are rather superficial.
Even on the way to such a goal as meditation and the knowledge of God, you have to cross the circles of study, sex games, marijuana smoking, marriage, career ... until, having exhausted their necessity or attraction, you proceed to the most important thing - meditation.
The closer to the center, the closer to the origins of one's own being. As you connect more and more with them, you will eventually gain the ability not to lose that connection even for a second. But first they must be worked out current goals and addictions that block the path to absolute freedom and perfection.
It is easy to be disappointed in life - the joy of successfully completing the next task is not experienced as deeply and does not last as long as we would like. But there is a good reason for this: the solution of such problems is only preparation for a more complete embodiment of the main purpose. The passage of each of them ends with a feeling of inner emptiness, fatigue, the meaninglessness of further existence. All these are, in fact, signs of spiritual growth, which many people, in their ignorance, are a cause for disappointment.
For example, for several years you have been promoting your business project with great enthusiasm, but one fine morning you have lost all interest in it. Moreover, you know: even a year or two at the most - and the efforts expended will pay off handsomely. In addition, over the years of work, you have acquired such skills and abilities that you are guaranteed a triumph. But there is no interest. And then an almost Hamletian question arises: to continue or not to continue?
Perhaps you are just afraid of a possible failure (or unprecedented success - it happens) or are you completely lazy? Ask family and friends for advice. If they unanimously say that you have gone the distance in vain and you do not have to take strength, pick yourself up and give your best at the finish line.
But another reason is possible - karma is exhausted. You have passed one circle on your way to the center and are moving towards the yet invisible other.
Here are typical signs of moving to the next level:
1. Suddenly it becomes deeply indifferent to what previously moved "to work and to a feat."
2. This indifference, which is even more surprising, does not cause the slightest remorse in you.
3. Having no idea what to do next, you, nevertheless, look to the future without fear and anxiety and seem to straighten your shoulders, throwing off a heavy burden.
4. The mere thought that you have said goodbye to the work to which you have devoted your last years noticeably adds to your cheerfulness.
5. The business itself seems primitive to you now, almost like collecting candy wrappers. Of course, you can do this all your life, but there is nothing more interesting?
The appearance of these sensations is a clear sign that it is time to finish with the next enterprise. And this should be done flawlessly, making sure that there are no “tails”, and also that, having dropped out of business, you will not violate the life plans of other people. Otherwise, a new karmic knot will be tied, which you will have to unravel in the future.
The next round of tasks may appear immediately, but most often it does not happen like this: the old is over, the new is not to be seen. What to do? Wait. Along the way, you can do something useful - finding a livelihood, for example, or, if there are no problems with money, seclude yourself away from noisy cities. But: do not “stick” for hours from nothing to do on the TV, do not disappear in the gloomy labyrinths of computer “shooters”, do not pour beer, can after can, in evening feasts with friends, etc. Without destruction and excesses - just wait. Wait for a sign. And he will come. At first, very weak, obscure. It is possible that the direction of movement will be outlined, but one can only guess about specific steps. Don't waste your time here - detailed information may never come. Take action. To the touch. By trial and error, as if in a children's game "cold and hot", go where the guiding sign becomes clearer and stronger. And he will bring you into the light.
This becomes known to a certain financial tycoon. He is impressed by your devotion to your favorite work and disinterestedness. He offers you a place in his structure. And now your activity to unravel your next karmic task begins to pay well. You are so passionate about what you do that you “infect” everyone who is close to you with it. Life is full of colors and joy again.
But one fine morning... In other words, the next circle is passed, and the cycle begins anew, And so on until you reach the center. Then, having completed your mission on earth, you will dissolve in the divine love that you originally are.
By David Dade
The success of a man and a woman is significantly different. This difference is considered one of the most important in psychology. In this regard, women find it difficult to understand male psychology. Men are always striving to achieve an increase in their status among other men. A man has his own imaginary rating in his head, which helps him achieve high goals. The list of this rating may include acquaintances, friends, comrades. And everyone has their place in this table.
The main goal of a man is to become higher in this ranking than his "rivals". It is important for a man not to fall into the mud face. Do not slide down from this peak. This non-obvious law is in the head of every man.
The young man feels a surge of strength, energy. He sets himself new goals and gradually achieves them. Psychological facts state that the so-called rating is not in the very head of a man, but in his ego. A man cannot be better or worse than someone else. He's just different. A man in his subconscious for himself should be the first.
Psychology says you should not equate yourself with the rest. Everyone has their own social status. You need to compare yourself and your achievements with yourself. What the man himself has achieved. How it all started and what he achieved. What has been achieved and what remains unfulfilled.
Women need to inspire men!
A woman should contribute to the growth of a man's rating. If the lady is unable to raise her rating, then she should try not to lower it. A man reaches any heights only when a girl who believes in him is next to him. If a man does not have faith in his own strength, then his companion should do it. In such a situation, a man wants to prove himself better, to achieve his goals. Show the chosen one that her hopes in him were not in vain. In any case, for a woman, her man is the best. For her, he will always be the most - the most.
But will the girl like to live in false hopes? If there is no desire, there will be no result. A man must exceed all the expectations of his soul mate. A lady must feel pride in her own man. But a woman should not push a companion to something that he is not interested in. The goal must be interesting. In other words, a woman should accompany the success of her man. The young man will have excitement and a sense of superiority, which will increase each time. Something like laziness, self-doubt, lack of energy should not interfere here. Men remember such help for many years and every time they thank their companion.