I don't want to do my marital duty. Spousal debt - what is it? Possibly a potential issue.

According to scientists, love exists for three years. Just during this period, grinding and getting used to each other takes place. The same thing happens with an intimate life: at first you are exhausted by desire, you interfere with the neighbors’ sleep, enjoying each other like on their wedding night, and after a while the passion subsides.

It is then that your sex becomes a marital obligation, and its regular absence intuitively makes you understand about the crisis. family relations. Let's deal with what marital debt implies, together with the Svadbagolik.ru portal.

The law on marital debt: legal or moral side?

When concluding a marriage, the spouses undertake to comply with legal acts which are closely related to the strengthening of the family union, concern for material well-being, equal fulfillment of duties for the upbringing and development of children.

Moral aspects of the concept of marital duty

What is marital debt under the law? This term is now considered only from the moral side, because from a legal point of view, there are no fixed obligations of an intimate nature to the spouses.

marital debt, performed by husband and wife, is not only regular sex, but also constant joint work on maintaining family relationships. Intimate relationships in a marriage without love, understanding and care turn into a routine that kills the feelings of the spouses.

Relationships in an official or civil marriage are not a candy-bouquet period, because there are a lot of factors that can affect their quality. These can be cohabitation with parents, the appearance of children in the family, morally and physically exhausting work, fatigue, etc. However, if there is love in marriage, all obstacles can be overcome together.

Where did the "debt" come from?

The origin and true meaning of the concept of "marital duty" is still unknown. There are only some guesses as to why intimacy in marriage, which should bring pleasure, is called duty.

Earlier, when the concept of marriage for love practically did not exist, women were given in marriage for convenience, including for debts. It is logical to assume that somewhere in that period this slightly contradictory phrase arose.

The wife refuses to fulfill her marital duty: possible reasons

Failure to fulfill marital duty most often offends men. Someone begins to consider his wife untemperamental, cold, sometimes even frigid, and then, almost with amazement, finds out that she has a lover.

The other one, on the contrary, makes up for the lack thrill on the side. Why is this happening? Let's find out the reasons why a wife refuses to fulfill her marital duty, because they often become the main reasons for divorce, as www.site found out:

This question was very often placed in a Google search that led to the portal and it gave me the idea that there are women who are overwhelmed by this difficult situation when husbands shy away from intimate relationships with them. Also I guess there are many other women who are struggling with this problem but don't have the courage to tell anyone. In this article, I would like to present a few possible causes, which may encourage a man to shirk his marital obligation to maintain an intimate relationship with his wife.

1. The husband does not realize that sexual relations are a marital duty.

Marriage is a holy covenant made between a man and a woman before God. The Almighty stands guard over this covenant and over how the parties fulfill their duties. That is why the Apostle Paul wrote:

Husband show his wife due favor; like a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a time, for the exercise in fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

Because people today don't go to church, read or study the Word of God, they don't realize or even know that maintaining a sexual relationship with a marriage partner is a sacred duty. I am sure that many who want to read this article will be surprised when they read that it is written in the Holy Scriptures and that this is the order established by God.

2. This is a way of revenge

Sometimes a husband takes revenge for certain things by not wanting to maintain an intimate relationship. But this bad method is used by many unwise women, who thus create even greater problems for the future.

3.This is a way of manipulation

Manipulation occurs when people create certain situations and circumstances that force another to do things that go against the will of this person. In any marriage, one partner is more intimate than the other. Thus, the less thirsty one may sometimes resort to such a method of manipulation in which he wants to force another to do contrary to his will. Manipulation of any kind is evil, but when one of the spouses uses intimate relations for this purpose, he inflicts deep wounds on the marriage partner and himself in the future will suffer from this.

4. Maybe the husband is offended ...

In the Epistle to the Colossians, the Apostle Paul wrote this admonition to husbands:

Husbands, love your wives and don't be hard on them. (Colossians 3:19)

To be offended means to constantly think about the bad thing that your wife did to you, to get angry, and this is all because of not forgiveness. You can't live with that attitude in a marriage, no matter what happens. In order not to be offended, one must forgive completely. And until you forgive your marriage partner, you cannot free yourself from this resentment that chained your heart and stole your joy. This is one of the reasons why a husband does not want to maintain an intimate relationship with his wife, because the resentment in his heart kills any sexual desire for his wife. And something else important. Resentment usually remains in the heart when some conflict has not been resolved to the end, or when someone does not want to ask for forgiveness. In order not to find yourself in such a situation one day, ask for forgiveness every time. And we, men, must not forget that this commandment was given to men not by chance - we are more vulnerable and more prone to holding a grudge in our hearts. Let's protect ourselves from this dangerous condition that affects intimate relationships in marriage and everyday relationships with our loved ones and with all people.

5. Husband no longer finds you attractive

We all change over time, and unfortunately we don't look the same at 40 as we did at 20. A wise husband should know how to admire his wife and keep his feelings for her only. Wise Solomon teaches all married men in the book of Proverbs:

Your source be blessed; and take comfort in the wife of your youth, the amiable doe and the beautiful chamois: let her breasts make you drunk at all times, enjoy her love constantly. (Proverbs of Solomon 5:18-19)

There is also a second side. A wise wife learns and knows how to look attractive to her husband all the days of her life and how to "delight him constantly."

6. Perhaps the problem is in potency

Impotence is the inability of a man to begin or maintain sexual intercourse with his wife to the end. The reasons can be psychological and organic. Whatever the reasons, they cannot become known until the husband consults a competent doctor. Unfortunately, men are very much afraid of this diagnosis and some even prefer to shy away from intimate relationships with their wives than go to the doctor. And one more thing. If a wife expresses directly or indirectly her rejection or doubt about her husband's sexual qualities, this can seriously affect the husband's self-esteem and can provoke psychological impotence, or even more serious consequences. Men have a great need to hear compliments from their wives for the quality of the love provided.

7. Husband has no initiative

God, even before the creation of the world, established that the initiative comes from a man:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cling to his wife; and they will be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

The society we live in unfortunately encourages more women to take the initiative and suppresses men to take the lead. This is then reflected in families, when the husband expects his wife to take initiative in making decisions, in maintaining the house, and so on. a wise wife will always appreciate and encourage her husband's good initiative and will never discount or neglect his initiative to make love. I remember one time a newly converted woman came to me asking for advice who was in the process of divorcing because her husband had left for another woman. She told me with tears in her eyes that immediately after the marriage, her husband very often encouraged her to have intimate relationships and she refused him for various reasons. So, very soon, he went to work abroad and there he found another woman. There is no excuse for him, but maybe if this woman wisely responded to the desires of her husband, if she accepted him, perhaps today they would be happy together. However, there are many families that live together, but who are not one and have no feelings for each other, because the wife constantly rejects the wishes of the husband.

8. Imposing excessive control

God says in His Word:

The wife has no power over her body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife does. (1 Corinthians 7:4)

When one of the partners begins to impose his own rules in bed and does not take into account the desires of the husband or wife, this will be the imposition of excessive control and will bring suffering, quarrels, destroy feelings and eventually lead to a complete cooling in the relationship. Do not be surprised later that the husband avoids maintaining sexual relations.

9. Passing through the crisis

Worries and fatigue greatly affect a person's sexual desires. Perhaps your husband has some problems at work that makes him worry a lot. You may or may not be aware of these issues. There are many wives who are never interested in their husband's problems, his successes, and this is neither right nor good. Try to understand the problems or experiences of the husband and help him in any way you can get through them. After that, your intimate relationships will also be restored or will be much better than before.

10. Treason

The hardest thing can be when your spouse has fallen into adultery, or maybe not yet reached it, but it seems that he has already directed his gaze to another. The Word of God says:

And why should you, my son, be carried away by strangers and embrace the breasts of others? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he measures all his paths. The lawless one is caught by his own iniquities, and he is held in the bonds of his sin: he dies without instruction, and is lost from the multitude of his folly. (Proverbs of Solomon 5:20-23)

From the moment a husband or wife begins to get involved in someone else, he will no longer have this feeling for a marriage partner and in any case he will shy away from intimate relationships.

As you can see, there are many reasons why a husband may shy away from intimate relationships. Do not rush to immediately think of the worst, but try to understand the reasons for these deviations. You cannot act correctly until you understand the true reasons. In the future, I want to answer the question “What to do when a husband avoids intimate relationships?”

Translation: Moses Natalia

As many say, you didn’t give up and suffer alone. Why are families falling apart so much today? The answer is simple - there is no mutual understanding, there is no mutual desire. Just become boring or worldly fuss (being) Took away all the beauty and romance. Well, where to go from this being, what to do in order to actually become happy man. Most of all, you need to look deep into yourself. Change something inside yourself and then everything will go uphill and everything will work out. And romance and passion and a great desire ... Everything will return, only you need the right priorities, they need to be valued and respected with feelings, you can’t play. And then you will not sit alone like a fool.

Let's talk about one question - why does the wife refuse her husband sex?

How often do you hear from men "The wife does not give, I don’t understand the reason, I don’t know what to do" ... Is it possible to reason with her?

I want to start with one parable. From the life of animals. From the sex life of gorillas.
Behind them - one male and five females, biologists have been watching for several years. And they noticed: some representatives of the weaker monkey sex often and persistently offer sex to the male, depicting an extreme degree of readiness. At the same time, the one who is already pregnant is the most active - she clings to her "husband", the father of her unborn child. Why, one wonders, if the goal has already been achieved and the continuation of the family is ensured? And then, it turns out that the male is not distracted by other females. According to scientists, such behavior became a harbinger of monogamy in humans.
Salt of the parable: even monkeys understand that the male needs sex, that he strengthens the family. And here are some human people they don't understand it.

"I'm tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep"
Sexless - psychologists use this term to denote a disgusting phenomenon that has struck both Western and Russian society. Namely, the lack of regular sexual intercourse between spouses. It happens, of course, that husbands also deprive their wives of intimate attention. But women are more often denied intimacy. And men, tormented by their libido, hear: "I'm tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep." Or quite offensive: “Where did you go?”

Psychologists have found the answer. But you won't believe how simple and straightforward it is.
The author of one song sings these words: "You refused me three times, that's how you are ..."
An amazing experiment was conducted by a sex therapist from Australia, Bettina Arndt. She asked 98 men and women (spouses) to keep anonymous diaries of their intimate lives for a year. And tell them the truth. After getting what she wanted, the researcher wrote a whole book
"Why Women Quit Sex and Other Bedroom Battles."
Bettina did not make a shocking discovery, discovering that there are many reasons. And they are usually different for everyone. But I did come across a few common ones.
First: most wives for some reason believe that sex should be only when, there and the way they want. But at the same time, they do not convey their thoughts to their husbands. And they just refuse. Like, he should understand. And he, the goat, does not understand. And climb. And offended even then.
In other words, wives make husbands guilty of untimely harassment. And they themselves are offended by them - such is it female logic. And this resentment, in turn, becomes a reason for refusal ...
Second: the wife holds some kind of spite against her husband, even a very small one: for example, she didn’t take out the garbage, didn’t ask how she was doing at work, her mother-in-law said nasty things. And, pouting, "punishes" the deprivation of intimacy. But again, does not state the reason for the sex strike. They are silent as hell.
But, even saying those very notorious “I'm tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep,” many women omit the details. Or maybe they really had a hard day at work. And they are so preoccupied with her that there is not even a place in their head for thoughts about sex.
But dear readers, what is the conclusion: the bedroom is not a battlefield for psychics, and husbands are not quick-witted telepaths. They need to be explained in detail. And do not bring the matter to deep resentment.

No need for romance, it's better to go straight to bed.
“I love my wife,” someone says, essentially confirming the conclusion of the Australian researcher. - I want a wife all the time, although we have been together for 20 years. And she didn't tell me. And all the talk on this topic does not give anything. She doesn’t go to the doctor: “I’m not sick!” Physically healthy - porn turns on her, but knowing this, she doesn't allow her to turn it on. And nothing helps: we go on holidays, go to restaurants, and go to dances - romance is more than enough ... "
Bettina explains that passion, and even elementary lust, which pushes the newlyweds into each other's arms, cannot last forever. And even more so, it manifests itself equally in both spouses. Yes, even after many years. The production of the sex hormones responsible for it - passion - fades away in about 18 months.
The researcher has found the most primitive production enhancer - sex. But how can one “treat” with sex, if it is just not there?! Very simple, says Bettina. I can't through. Through "tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep."
A woman must realize the perniciousness of sexless, understand how painful it is for loving husband destructive to the family. And do not refuse, always agree when the husband asks. Unless, of course, she had an attack of appendicitis.

So many families are falling apart right now. People get divorced, despite the long years they lived together. And all because passion fades away, there is no tenderness and affection, there is no mutual understanding and love passes. It is not difficult to end relationships and divorce when problems arise. It is much more difficult to save a family, solve these problems and rekindle the fire of love and passion that has gone out. One of the pleasant parts of marriage is its intimate side. Marital duty is a family obligation that is a manifestation of love between two people. The lack of sexual intimacy between spouses leads them to distance themselves from each other. Over time, this affects mutual understanding, which leads to quarrels, scandals, and ultimately to. Of course, it also happens that husbands deprive their wives of intimate attention. But often a married couple does not have sex for the reason that the wife does not want a husband, and this can be seen from such signs as fatigue, excuses “headache” or “I want to sleep.” Therefore, among men who do not get what they want from their spouse, the question of why the wife does not want sex with her husband remains relevant.

Why does a wife not want intimacy with her husband?

There can be a lot of reasons why a wife does not want a husband, and they are all individual. The woman needs physical proximity may occur due to fatigue and lack of sleep. When she comes home after a hard day's work and instead of resting she is still standing by the stove and sink, she wants to get into bed as soon as possible just to rest. In this case, it is necessary to ask the husband to also help with household chores so that both partners have the strength and desire for the intimate part of the relationship.

Sometimes a wife does not want to sleep with her husband, and for the reason that he offended her with something, said something wrong or did not do it. This can be either a serious quarrel or a banal one - they didn’t take out the trash or didn’t fulfill some other request. Thus, she begins to take revenge on her spouse as punishment by refusing sex. But in order to maintain harmony in the family, you should not mix intimate with some everyday problems. Since the lack of sex will not solve them, but will only aggravate everything. Psychologists believe that even after quarrels and scandals, a married couple should sleep together. Thus, sleeping on different beds is the first thing that most alienates partners from each other and cools their love.

It often happens that a husband simply does not satisfy his wife in bed. Conducting surveys, experts say that many women who want to go on some kind of experiments in sex do not talk about their own desires to their partner. Soon they completely refuse him, demonstrating their unwillingness and secretly offended that in some magical way he himself did not guess to offer it. However, such actions ultimately do not lead to anything good.

For both partners to enjoy intimate relationships, you just need to talk and share their desires and preferences. In addition, you need to study your own body and learn to feel your partner. Then there will be harmony not only in bed, but in everything else.

Sexologists believe that if there are no serious health problems and medical contraindications, then a married couple should not deprive themselves of the pleasure of the intimate side of their marriage. Therefore, it is necessary to add variety to your sex life and not be afraid to experiment. After all, sexual intercourse between spouses is an important component of a family union, which expresses warmth, affection and love for each other.

I am 34 years old. My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years, we are raising two wonderful children. Everything seems to be fine, if not for one BUT: my wife avoids intimacy. From the very beginning, we did not have harmony in this regard, but every year the situation is only getting worse. Now it can be once a month or even less often, and with rare exceptions it is difficult to call it closeness. There were health problems, while prostatitis, but when I did an ultrasound, the ultrasound specialist said that at such a pace with such abstinence, after 5 years, prostate adenoma is provided to me. Many times we tried to talk about this topic. She is very hard to talk, everything very quickly turns into tears. She says that everyone understands that she is a bad wife and does not fulfill her marital duty, but she cannot force herself either. She says that this topic is generally not pleasant for her, and over the years of “straining” she already generally hates the word sex. I can walk offended for weeks, she feels it, feels that I NEED, that I WAIT, and this causes the opposite effect in her. Both are tired of all this to the point of horror: I am obsessed, so is she. We fight against this wall for years, in despondency, in resentment (especially me) and life is leaving ... She says that she lives with children, all thoughts are only about them. I am very respected, appreciated, cherished, but there is no physical interest.

But without this problem, I would not have come to God! Behind last years I began to go to church more and more often, go to confession, take communion, observe fasts, and listen to spiritual music. The wife also believes in God, but she does not go to church and does not fast. Faith certainly helps and supports, but not always: lust, fornication, condemnation, despondency - all this torments the soul, if not constantly, but very often. We are not married - maybe this is partly the reason? I would have gotten married a long time ago, but my wife says she doesn’t want to, that she’s not ready. Maybe this is my cross, which I must humbly bear? If so, then I lack the spiritual strength to accept it. Plus, I constantly twist in my head the words of the Apostle Paul: “Do not deviate from each other, except for the time of fasting and prayer” ...

For the past great post happened, I would call it a miracle. At some point towards the end of the post, I so clearly felt a surge of Grace, I just became a different person. It was as if the wings had grown: all resentments and condemnations were gone, everything around was simply transformed, the heart was overflowing with love and joy. She immediately felt it and changed too. We (albeit during Lent) had such a closeness that we had not had for many years! After Easter, everything went away and all the problems returned. However, I saw what our relations can be, what they should be... So, maybe, the causes of problems should be looked for first of all in oneself? Maybe the problem is on a spiritual level?

They say that fornication kills love. Although I have never really cheated on my wife, I am constantly in my thoughts and thoughts. But where to get this grace now, when there is only resentment and despondency in the soul? I was on reception at the psychologist-sexopathologist. She says that the problem is in the wife, on a psychological level or even on a physiological one, and that until she solves these problems, nothing will change. Still, my heart is inclined to the first reason (spiritual harmony), but there is no certainty. She always had a terrible relationship between her parents. Maybe this is what laid the wrong attitude to the intimate side of married life and the reason at the psychological level?