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Every family has its own rules. Our family rules

Every family has its own rules. Our family rules

The sacred ten rules of living together that need to be carved in granite and hung on the refrigerator.

Abraham Kozlov

Frankly, we are comforted by the idea that our reader is a person who is not burdened with heavy obligations and deep attachments. He roams serenely through life in a fedora (why not?), not lingering with a single girl long enough for her to start chastising him for the felt hats scattered around the house. In general, it is gratifying to imagine that our reader lives a carefree single life, which we never managed to live. (Did you think why we sit in the editorial office all the time and make a magazine? Because a whole happy family is waiting for us at home.) But these are all dreams. In practice, it turns out that many of our readers are sedate people. Family, if without beating around. They spend months and years in a relationship with the same woman and sometimes they don't even complain. And it doesn’t matter if your relationship with a girl is registered in government organizations and whether this fact was noted by incomprehensible drunken relatives from other cities at an event called "wedding". The main thing is that you live together and you like it. For such conscious and constant ones (at first we wanted to write “boring and lack of initiative”, but in time we realized that this was already understandable) we have prepared 10 commandments of living together. Why commandments and not rules? Well, actually "commandments" sounds prettier than "rules". But most importantly, we wanted to emphasize their importance and sacredness. After all, if you follow these commandments without fail, the likelihood of living together for a long time and, perhaps, even happily, greatly increases. Will you risk it?

Do not tell your wife about your adulteries

Everyone has weaknesses. Some weaknesses have a fourth bust size, long legs and silky hair. And then, as luck would have it, a corporate field trip and a box of vodka, surreptitiously brought in a backpack by the head of the personnel department. Or, say, a business trip. How lonely it can be in an impersonal hotel room for a visiting salesman! .. In general, he stumbled. It happens to everyone. But this does not mean that upon returning home, you need to, embarrassedly drawing circles on the floor with the toe of your boot, start from afar: “Honey, you won’t believe what happened to me ...” Are you tormented by guilt? Excellent. Consider that this is your payment for what you have done. “It seems to many that, having confessed to treason, they act honestly and even nobly,” Olga cools your righteous ardor. “In fact, they shift the responsibility for what they have done to their partner, dooming him to the pangs of jealousy and even paranoia.” So, if you have sinned, be a man. Do not sow in your girlfriend a grain of (hmm, sounds ambiguous, but oh well) doubts about your loyalty and your own uniqueness. Yeah, and the next time you go on a business trip and you stumble again, don't say anything either. Periodic cheating with different women is nothing. Another thing is when you turn someone on constantly and carve out a place in your schedule for cheating on a weekly basis. Here it is already worth worrying about whether you are throwing logs into the hearth with the same girl.

« According to my blood conviction, the marriage union should be alien to any publicity, this matter concerns only two - no one else »

Vissarion Belinsky

Honor your father and your mother, but always take the side of your wife

Sooner or later (as a rule, even when it happens late, it still happens earlier than you would like) your personal woman will enter into an argument with another member of your family. And nothing else, if they turn out to be an incomprehensible drunk visiting relative. What if it's your own mother? And, of course, no force will save you from a collision with the girl's father on the question of which barbecue marinade is better - with lime or lemon. Unfortunately, at such moments, you should consciously forget about such human mechanisms as logic and justice, and, on the contrary, resort to the most primitive - called "protecting your female." Yes, perhaps such tactics threaten you with the loss of relatives. But relatives will not give birth to offspring for you. Relatives will not dry-clean your set of shirt-fronts. Relatives won't be muttering in the evenings for many more months: "Remember when your mother called me a 'self-serving prostitute', you laughed and changed the subject?" But there will be a girl. Worse, according to our consultant, there is a risk that "the partner will no longer perceive you as her protector and, therefore, your home as a safe place." Today you handed her over to your mother, and tomorrow you will sell her into Turkish slavery! (The latter, by the way, girls perceive more easily than a quarrel with the mother-in-law.) Therefore, always take her side. In the end, your parents will forgive you. Someday. Maybe.

Do not pronounce the word "divorce", for the one who pronounces this word in vain will not go unpunished

Words have no power. You first became convinced of this at school, when, closing your eyes, you selflessly said “scooter” a thousand times. Then at the institute, when during a party in the hostel he told the girl a thousand times that "it would be great." But don't underestimate the power of words in a relationship between two people. After all, man is a suggestible being. Especially the one who spends most of his life next to you. “People living together share not only opinions, but also fears of each other,” Olga Mikulina confirms our fears, “and therefore, if one of the partners chooses and voices a course in a relationship, the second one gradually follows it.” So, the word “divorce” once uttered can give rise to a seditious thought in the partner’s head: “Maybe with a divorce, it’s true, that ... will it get better?” There is also another situation. “Often, one of the partners tries to keep the other with the threat of parting, to scare him, not suspecting that such tactics can lead to the exact opposite result,” our specialist sighs. A person who lives in constant fear of losing a partner can get very, very tired of this fear. So much so that at some point the next threat “Let's break up!” will answer: "Come on." Because as much as possible, really! So never, never and never again say the word "divorce" out loud. And about yourself - as much as you like.

« The only good thing about marriage is that it frees you from friends. »

George Gordon Byron

Do not reproach your wife in public, for the public has a memory

It is impolite to sort things out in a public place, whether it be a restaurant, a dolphinarium, or the apartment of a classmate Pashka. It is believed that the subtleties of your relationships, domestic and sexual, are not interesting to others. And although in fact we all know that this is not so and that when you shout “And you also snore during sex!” the eyes of others are lit with a greedy brilliance, and the ears are covered with perspiration, however, publicity should be refrained from. “Imagine,” our consultant invites you into the fantasy world, “that you will devote, say, friends and relatives to the ups and downs of your marriage. And then, as it happens, do not part, but continue to live together. But friends already know about your problems - perhaps too intimate. And how can they look you in the eyes now? But even if you are lucky to have acquaintances who are completely devoid of a sense of shame, remember that once you open a window into your relationship for them, you will see how they climb into it in a crowd. And the next time you have a fight, people around you will start giving you advice. “Of course, break up! I still remember how New Year she whipped your cheeks with a Christmas tree garland! Bitch! And the advice of friends broke even the strongest marriages.

Don't covet your housekeeper! But first, hire her.

Of course, everyone's financial means are different, but everyone can afford the services of an au pair these days (even au pairs can afford au pairs). For 1500-6000 rubles a month, you will save your girlfriend from a number of annoying duties. Why would she waste her talent as a gemologist on stacking clothes and turning dry dust into wet dust with a mop? Let it be better to fully devote himself to work and at the same time earn money for your joint vacation. You will be surprised how, with the advent of another woman in your life, the number of reproaches of the girl against you will decrease. You no longer have to endure undeserved insults for accidentally emptying an ashtray in a dirty laundry basket, because now this is not your girlfriend's problem, but your housekeeper. But Ms. Mikulina asks you to remember an important point: "Be sure to choose a housekeeper along with your wife." It is important for you not to cause unreasonable (or justified) jealousy in your girlfriend. And by the way, keep in mind that some especially suspicious girls will hire someone prettier on purpose to test the degree of your loyalty. Therefore, the question of choosing an assistant cannot be left to the girl at the mercy.

« A wife should not make friends of her own; enough with her and her husband's friends »

Desire your wife permanently

It is logical that sex with a person with whom from year to year you share a bed, a refrigerator and a toilet seat, is no longer too attractive. Gradually, sex turns from euphoria into a habit, then into a duty, and then completely disappears, dissolves like morning mist, to occasionally flash on the horizon like lightning ... In general, you understand. So for starters, your task is to make sex a duty. Doesn't sound very attractive, but it works. “No matter how tired you are during the day, no matter what distracts you, take time for each other,” our specialist expresses it politically correct. - This is especially important if the family Small child and the husband may feel abandoned.” Don't be afraid that sex will become a habit. First, not a bad habit, you know. Secondly, the desire to diversify something comes only when this something happens regularly.

Spend time with your wife, even if there are more interesting things to do

Shared leisure is the lifeboat of any relationship. And yes, raising eight common children and working at neighboring tables in the office is not regarded as time spent together. Don't be afraid, spending every free hour together is optional, just one hour a week is enough. But eight children should be left at home, this time should be devoted only to you two. And it is better to spend it not in the cinema hall and not chasing pigeons in the park, but doing an easy sport. “Playing sports together, like badminton or bowling, not only brings the couple together, but also gives it a sense of significance.” That is, the next time a familiar couple reports that they “did nothing” all weekend, you will answer that you won the district championship in high-speed weaving of birch bark baskets. And feel a surge of pride: here we are! Yes, you should spend your holidays together. It's one thing to visit your partner's relatives, and quite another to take a well-deserved rest under a palm tree twice a year. This is your joint cross. And, by the way, the horror of the impending prospect of a one-on-one vacation is a bad symptom of your relationship.

« A woman who mocks her husband cannot love him anymore »

Honore de Balzac

Come to terms with the main weakness of your wife, for it is precisely this weakness that can become a bone of contention.

Often, when deciding to live together, you and your girlfriend are already more or less aware of each other's bad habits. And if some habits can be tamed, then it is better to consciously lay down your arms before others. For example, when you say to a heavy smoker, "It's either nicotine or me," don't be surprised to hear "Nicotine!" (Or did she say "Nikita"?) "Man is made up of habits. Try to eliminate basic habits - it is possible that the whole structure will collapse, ”Olga Mikulina metaphorically instructs us. Remember the positives. Let's say you put up with her smoking. But for that, you'll be attending not two, but five Asthma Anonymous meetings a week. Imagine how much free time is freed up for golf! A great era begins - an era of compromises, checks and balances.

Do not wish senseless quarrels with your wife

Every time you start a scandal, remember what results you want to achieve. Just scream? Break into the cat - in the end, for this they were created by nature. Any quarrel that did not lead to a specific result, whether it was an action or a decision, is like a stone in the tender carcass of a relationship. Is the girl getting into a fight? Try to get to the bottom of the conflict. Maybe she just has PMS. Or she didn't like that you set her plush octopuses on fire as a joke. In general, try to listen to her claims. And remember to use I-messages. That is, not “You filled the whole apartment with your octopuses!”, But “I feel abandoned and lonely among all these octopuses.” So she will quickly understand the essence of your claims.

« It's no secret that a happy marriage is based on a balance of interests and stress tolerance. »

Stephen King

Honor your wife's personal space and defend your personal space

“Start with the bed,” Olga Mikulina suggests enthusiastically. - The bed should be as wide as possible so that you do not interfere with each other in a dream. Very often, people sacrifice comfort in the name of mythical ideas that couples should sleep in an embrace. As a result, people interfere with each other's sleep for years, accumulating irritation on a partner. Of course, a large apartment in which you can make a wheel and go unnoticed will not hurt either. But even in a small-sized dwelling, you can acquire personal space. They can be at least a desktop, at least a gymnastic ball. The main thing is for your girlfriend to know that this is forbidden territory. She can't get close to it, let alone jump on it (if you still prefer a ball to a table). “Such a technique gives the individual the illusion of personal space, which is so necessary when he lives side by side with another person,” our specialist assures. And you, in turn, must limit your own curiosity and not swap the tubes that she so carefully arranges in a row on the nightstand every morning.

In chaotic families, teenagers grow up with serious behavioral disorders.
The vagueness of rules and norms, their lack of articulateness contributes to the growth of anxiety and confuses all family members.
Often the lack of rules, their misunderstanding become the main source of resentment and conflict in the family.
that his feelings and interests are significant for adults and are taken into account when making any decisions;
that he can talk about his needs, and they will be met as far as possible.

It is very important that foster parents are consistent in their behavior and attitude towards the child.

In order for the child to better control his behavior, it is necessary to help him in this: to establish permanent boundaries of what is permitted. It is important that these boundaries are, on the one hand, accessible to the understanding and implementation of the child, and on the other hand, they set limits for his behavior, which, in the opinion of the parents, is unacceptable. If the demands put forward by the parents are contradictory, they give rise to internal conflicts in the child.

A short list of rules that can be adopted in the family:

contract rule.
The basis of the emotional well-being of the family is the rule of contract, which allows you to respond flexibly to changes, cope with everyday stress and crisis situations. The contract can relate to any aspects of family life, especially those that cause disagreement among its members. It is advisable to set aside a special time and place to discuss the problems and ideas of each. It is important to encourage the child's statement and not to criticize it. For adopted children, this is very important. Perhaps, earlier they did not have such an opportunity, they only accumulated their negative experiences, which prevented their full development.
novelty rule.
This rule can be related to both the new atmosphere, interaction, and food. No need to force the child to eat everything and praise what the mother has prepared. The feeling of self-worth of the mother is associated with the eating behavior of children. Adopted children have, as a rule, peculiar stereotypes of food preferences and eating behavior. They, like all children, eat what they are used to. The requirement to eat everything will be associated with unnecessary conflicts and resentment. Children need to be gradually accustomed to new tastes.
Schedule.
You need to eat at a clearly allotted time for this. In children brought up in disadvantaged conditions, self-regulation and self-control are poorly formed. It is better to allocate time for them to rest, study and eat than to be offended and scolded for non-compliance with the rule. At the same time, it is difficult for children to adhere to clear time frames, therefore, an overly expressive mother's response to being late will encourage children to use "lies in the name of saving themselves and their mother."
Family responsibilities.
Household chores should be shared among all family members. Often, almost all the duties are performed by the mother, she constantly complains about how “everyone sat down and drove off” on her. The sacrificial position of the mother in the performance of household duties is associated with the inability of family members to agree on the distribution of responsibilities. It can fuel the desire for dependency in children.
Border rule.
All doors in the house should always be open. The child should feel that there is trust in the family and that any room can be entered without warning. At the same time, he needs to have his own space in the house. The rule of respect for boundaries provides an opportunity to obtain the necessary autonomy, forms a sense of responsibility in children, and contributes to their maturation. It is very important that in the foster family, especially in the first two years, no conditions are created for distrust and provoking theft in a child. It is advisable to hide the most valuable things, not to scatter money around the house, to know exactly how much is stored in the house.
You do not need to immediately demand success in school from the child.
Linking the prestige of the family and children's grades in school can negatively affect the acceptance of adopted children, since almost all of them have various developmental delays. The self-esteem of an adopted child, even more than a native, depends on what others say about him, especially those whom he considers significant for himself. In his life, he heard a lot of statements about the negative aspects of his personality, so his image of "I" is often negative. The expression of verbal and non-verbal support allows him to correct his self-esteem.

Ways to discuss norms and rules in the family:

It is best to do this at a sweet table (sweet relieves stress).
If the child is small, then it is advisable to demonstrate the rules in the game, where toys act as family members.
If the child is left-handed, then it is better to explain the rules to any other child sitting next to him. It is very difficult for a left-hander to learn the rules, it is easier for him to follow others in their observance.
It is necessary to discuss the reasonableness of the rules with the teenager, agree on the possibility of joint correction of the requirements for him, conclude a contract on their implementation.
Family members themselves must follow these rules. The double standard in their performance contributes to the maladjustment of the child. In order for harmony and understanding to reign in the family, the norms and rules of communication in the family must be jointly adopted.

Update date: 03.11.2017

Home is the place where we relax. Or logically, the house should have a relaxing effect on us. But it depends on how the relationships between households are built and what order is established in terms of personal boundaries and interaction. Etiquette rules make life easier in the family and society.

Many family rules are based on respect, trust, personal boundaries and courtesy. Some of them are so elementary that even talking about them is even inconvenient. But experience tells us that once again remembering them will not hurt.

So, a set of rules of family etiquette:

Clean neat clothes. You should not wear at home something that has gone out of fashion, worn out, skidded, stretched out, and so on. This borders on disrespect for oneself and others. In addition, we set an example for our children, which should not be forgotten.
Any affectionate family nicknames are appropriate only in a narrow family circle, where there are no strangers.
neither husband nor wife is called "spouse" - this is too official a word that is appropriate at events, but not in a friendly atmosphere.
It is unacceptable to refer to the mother-in-law or mother-in-law, calling them "grandmother." She is not a grandmother to her son-in-law or daughter-in-law! If, due to existing relationships, there is no desire to address elderly parents as “mom” or “dad”, then it is better to call by name and patronymic and “you”. Although it is natural for grandchildren to address “grandmother” and “grandfather” and “you”.

Show attention to his wife, give her a coat, let her through the door, not only in in public places but also at home - the sacred duty of the husband and father of the family. To be kind and helpful in public, but not at home - children will notice such a position very quickly and will adopt the same attitude of their father towards their mother, I will not respect her and reckon with her opinion. Keep this in mind. But if outwardly a man is polite and correct, but in his heart he does not respect his woman, the children will also quickly figure it out and draw conclusions. But this is already from the field of psychology, not etiquette.
Therefore, in public places, the wife should have the right to the first dance.
What to do with guests if they are friends with only one of the spouses, and are unpleasant to the other? It is better not to take them at home in the absence of your half and accept invitations. Here the line is rather thin - if these people are somehow unpleasant to your spouse - it is worth considering for what reason. Otherwise, over time, this can lead to a break either with these people or in the family.

In principle, many rules of etiquette in the family are not born from scratch and stem from a trusting relationship in a couple. If you truly trust your spouse, then you will not check messages in your wallet, rummage through personal things. And even more so, speak about him or her in a negative way in front of children or strangers. If things really are that bad, then what are you doing around this person?
The same goes for parents and children. Problems are usually born in families where personal boundaries are violated. By them are meant personal things, time, space, money (pocket money for children), opinion. Respect for all this is manifested even in such a trifle as knocking on a room before entering it.
Never scold children and spouse in front of strangers. This is the most painful thing for any pride. Find out any relationship behind closed doors. There is nothing worse than quarrels and gossip in front of children.
Do not complain about your wife or husband to outsiders. It does more harm than good, even if you are looking for help. If you consult, then with a person who is wise in experience and life or a psychologist. At least they won't do any harm with their recommendations.
If they complain about family life to you, but do not ask for help, do not meddle with recommendations. Elementary sympathy is enough to make a person feel better.
In the event of a conflict between spouses, the eldest member of the family cannot take either side. Not because it's easier. It is wiser to remain neutral and not interfere, so as not to mess things up.

The most difficult point. The rules for raising children should be the same for everyone. This applies to demands, punishments and rewards. Otherwise, there will be no order. If the wife or older family members do not agree with the methods of raising children or grandchildren, it is better not to argue in the presence of babies and teenagers. Nobody canceled the family hierarchy - we live in a society where the rules of subordination are identical in different structures.

It's not even just the ability to be tactful and mutually polite. The family is a bulwark of stability in our too dynamic world. If over the years people do not learn how to effectively interact in such a small team as a family, then what kind of team can you even dream of? After all, in any community, the ability to get along with people and achieve results through teamwork is valued.

Where to learn this if not in the family?

In a family, as in any other community, certain conditions must be observed that will allow all household members to live together. No cell of society can do without establishing some kind of family code or set of "household rules" that allow all members of the family to understand how to behave. Family rules help strike a balance between getting what you want and respecting the needs of others. They can also help children and teens feel safe.

Family Rules: The Basics

Rules can help your family members interact better and make family life more peaceful. Effective rules are positive statements about how he wants to take care of and realize the possibilities of all household members.

When the rules are written clearly and unambiguously, they help:

children and adolescents to understand what is expected of them and where the boundaries are;
adults to be consistent in how they treat younger family members.

When developing family rules, it is important to involve all family members, as far as possible, in their discussion. Even three-year-olds can have their own opinions and suggestions. As they grow older, the child should be even more actively involved in decision-making: what rules can be, as well as the consequences of breaking them. Once they reach adolescence, such "lawmaking" will give children valuable experience in taking responsibility for their own behavior.

To develop rules, you need to choose the most important things - for example, the rule about not physically hurting each other will be mandatory for most families. You can also develop the following rules: about safety, politeness, daily routine, proper manners. Each family will have different rules. The specifics of developing a family code will depend on your values, specific situation, religious beliefs, and the age and needs of your child(ren).

Types of family rules

Family rules can be very different, but all good rules have something in common: they are specific and clear.

"Yes" rules

These rules are a good teaching tool because they guide your child's behavior in a positive way. For example: “Speak politely to each other”, “Wear your seat belt in the car”, “Eat at the table”, etc.

"No" rules

Of course, it is better to set positive rules, but when it is difficult to explain what exactly needs to be done instead, rules with a negative “not” particle will do. For example: “Don’t spit”, “Don’t beg for purchases in the store”, etc.

Basic Rules

These are the rules that apply everywhere, no matter what. Some rules may apply to all family members, while others only apply to young children or teenagers. The rules on courtesy or on the prohibition of physical influence are precisely the basic rules.

situational rules

For specific situations, you should also have a short set of rules. For example, for a trip in a car, going to visit, playing a computer.

A few clear and specific rules are likely to be more effective than a long list of a dozen or so pages. This is especially true for young children. As the child grows up, the rules can “grow” with him. If your child consistently violates them, then you may need to focus on basic issues such as safety and fairness.

How to develop rules

Children and teenagers often like to participate in such a legislative process. Participating in a discussion about family rules will not necessarily stop younger members of the household from breaking them, but it will help them understand what rules are and why they are needed.

Some parents find it helpful to write down rules about how family members should behave. Writing down the rules makes them understandable and can also prevent potential disputes. And sticking a list of rules on the fridge or other prominent place can help younger kids stay in the know.

Children and rules

You can start developing rules when the child already understands the language. Young children need supervision and support to follow the rules. Preschoolers tend to forget, they are inconsistent in their behavior and easily distracted. Some children with special needs may also need your help to understand and remember the rules.

All children are different, therefore, the assimilation of the rules for each of them is an individual process. However, by the age of ten, they can follow the rules in most situations without your instructions. Clear rules will help your child feel safe and give him a sense of permanence. This is especially important during adolescence, when many other things in his life are undergoing changes.

Teens and rules

The teenage years present a new challenge. At this stage, young people begin to explore their own forces and may insist on greater autonomy and independence. Sometimes this ends with a revision of family rules. A teenager may feel a discrepancy between the rules of his family and the expectations of his peers and will try to balance these two processes.

Family rules are just as important for a teenager as they are for a small child. And it's never too late to create or rewrite them. Participation young man in creating a family code will help him understand that you respect his opinion. At this age, the rules of safe behavior will be especially useful. For example, rules about alcohol, friends, gender relations and the so-called curfew.

Be prepared to discuss and adjust the rules as your child grows. This applies in particular to the extension of the curfew.

Compliance with the rules

Rules are considered effective only when they are executed. If you have decided on a family code, then you should also decide what sanctions will be applied to any family member if he breaks any rule. When a rule is broken, you can simply remind the child about it and give him another chance, especially for young children. But, in the long run, it is much more effective to apply sanctions to the violator that you agreed on.

From the age of three, if children have agreed in advance with possible sanctions, they are more likely to remain calm when it comes time to follow the rules. When children reach adolescence, agreement on clear rules and consequences will help them develop self-discipline and independence.

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Usually, couples who get married have little idea of what awaits them as a result. This mainly concerns young people, who believe that after the registry office, they expect a period similar to dating time. In fact, everything is different, because living together and seeing each other several times a week is completely different concepts. In order for everything to be in the best way at home, it is very convenient to draw up family rules, which you will follow later.

The need for their laws

Quite often it turns out that everyone wanted the best, but everything turned out completely differently. To develop a family, you need to take certain actions. People get married because they feel good together. And it is very important to keep this freshness of relations for a long time. But how to do this if everyone is already a mature personality and is used to living in accordance with their preferences?

During periodic meetings, of course, it was not necessary to deal with issues related to everyday life. But now, in order not to overshadow life with a showdown, quarrels, it is necessary to determine the rules of the family that are mandatory for implementation. Thus, 2 people, each of whom was brought up differently from the other, will be able to live peacefully and happily.

Partner respect

First of all, you need to treat your soulmate in the same way as you want to be treated. To do this, you need to see in a partner, first of all, a person. Do not impose on a wife who wants to study English language, excessive housework. In any case, a woman knows that she needs to take care of her man, improving his life in every possible way. But not every spouse has a great desire to constantly walk around the house with a rag.

Also, a man may try to force the chosen one to transform his appearance in accordance with his understanding of this issue. Perhaps he is jealous, therefore he does not want his wife to wear short skirts. Or maybe the husband wants everyone to know how beautiful his chosen one is, so he is trying to make her take care of herself more, but in accordance with her taste preferences. In any case, the addictions of the second half must be treated with respect, you can not press.

Community of interest

Promising couples always have similar interests. Aspirations in any case must be different. Such couples always find common topics, in addition, they can tell their partner something new. Thus, spouses are quite interested in the Rules of the family, first of all, should include the point of accepting your soulmate as she is.

You should not try to “close” your wife within 4 walls, as many men may try to do. As a result, the interests of a woman will be reduced only to the family and home, and the husband will become bored of communicating with her. Also, the wife must understand that if she is not interested in something new for herself, then soon the number of topics for communication will be reduced to zero.

In order to be interesting together, you do not need to limit yourself to a routine. You should be together at various events (meetings, exhibitions, films, etc.). No need to step back and try to live own life. Because as a result, this will lead to the collapse of the relationship.

Take an interest in your partner's life

Quite often it happens that wives are interested in what happened to their husbands at work. But the husband does not want to talk about this topic. He may have his reasons. Often it all comes down to the fact that at home he wants to relax and not think about work problems, distract from them, forget.

It is also not uncommon for a man to be interested in talking about his work all the time. And in his wife he sees a grateful listener. The wife, because she has to listen to a number of facts, for example, about any mechanisms, is not inspired to communicate.

That is, here it is necessary to find the golden mean. And again, it all comes down to understanding your partner. The rules of the family should first of all be aimed at seeing the person next to you as an individual. And depending on this, take any action.

Honesty is the key to a good relationship

A very big problem for couples is their inability to be honest in relationships. When two people communicate, there are always moments with which one of them disagrees. Do not turn a blind eye to this, accumulating resentment.

You need to make it a rule to always tell your partner about what you don’t like. Do not express dissatisfaction, swear or raise your tone. Communication should be done gently, calmly and with love. In any case, you need to remember that next to you is not a stranger, but a soulmate. The partner may have his own ideas, so he does not need to be judged. On the contrary, the rules of family life should be to stipulate all the difficulties that arise.

Segregation of duties

A long time ago, it so happened that a man should provide for his family, and a woman should do housework. Times are different now, and the responsibilities of the partners must correspond to the times.

Terms modern life develop in people the desire to try to make good money. This is done in order to live with dignity. It happens that it is more difficult for a man to earn money. And if the wife works to improve the general, then you should not burden her with household chores. In this case, the duties should be divided equally between the spouses. This moment can always be replayed. The norms and rules of the family should predetermine that more housework is done by the one who is freer at the moment.

Avoid physical intimacy

Sadly, many couples begin to have less sex, feeling physically tired after a busy day at work. Men are more developed physically, so they endure stress more easily. But if a woman works all day, and in the evening she cleans and cooks, then at night she wants to rest. And this desire is quite reasonable and completely natural.

The code of family rules should indicate that such a problem should be solved and discussed together. Of course, in the absence of mutual understanding here, as a result, the family will be destroyed. Time for intimacy and love in any case must be found. But it should be done in such a way that both of these pastimes are a joy, and not as an additional burden.

mutual support

In any case, you need to give each other a friendly shoulder. After all, spouses are not only lovers, but also very good and kind friends. You should always try to support each other. To do this, you should tell your partner nice words and never skimp on them.

The family is the rear in the life of each of us. It is very important that after returning from somewhere it is always possible to return to a loving and understanding person who will always understand and support. You should not ignore your partner, on the contrary, you should try to understand and support him as much as possible.

Set of rules

They are also of great importance. There should be moral rules in the family, the list of which is familiar to each of its members. In order for children to grow up as decent and well-mannered people, they should also be subject to the laws adopted in the family. If certain conditions are not met, it is allowed to indicate a miss. But you need to do it tactfully and friendly.

The 5 family rules to be strictly followed might look like this:

Help each other and support each other.
Respect and love your parents.
To tell the truth.
Do not discuss others.
To fulfill promises.

Care should be taken not to have too many rules. It is also important to avoid contradictions. If a list is long, its importance is lost. In addition, it is difficult to memorize and implement it. And if the set of rules includes items that the child must comply with, then even more so, a list that is difficult to understand should not be made.

In addition, the baby must clearly and clearly understand what should not be done. Rules should be presented as norms, the implementation of which must be strictly enforced. This should not be a constant prohibition coming from the parents.

Relationships built on friendship

Many will agree that, over time, married couples bear little resemblance to lovers. Relations between a man and a woman often come down to friendship, although very close. The set of selected rules can be absolutely anything. The fact is that each person chooses those norms that he considers necessary for himself. After all, no one forces friends to be honest and not deceive each other. They do so according to their inner aspirations.

Friends may implicitly believe that if certain rules are violated, their relationship will collapse. And it is very important to understand that any quarrel can lead to a deterioration in relationships. Therefore, when there is a misunderstanding, you need to put up with each other very quickly. This is the foundation of the family rules. Examples are that the relationship in a couple is more important than any cheating, misunderstandings with children, problems at work or material difficulties. All of the above should not become more than a relationship.

It's important to be beautiful

It is necessary to try to take care of yourself, and do it not for the holidays, but constantly. The well-groomed appearance of both partners is a guarantee that the relationship will exist for quite a long time. The moral rules adopted in the family must necessarily include the requirement to take care of oneself. Do not forget about yourself, because for large quantity spouses may begin to completely ignore their appearance. This should not be done, because the interest of both partners in most cases is manifested by visual contact. And if one begins to perceive the other as furniture, then it is possible that the one who does not take care of himself is to blame here. Therefore, do not forget about stores with fashionable and beautiful clothes.

You also need to take care of the quality and beauty of your underwear. Moreover, a rich modern choice allows people of different ages and material wealth to look stylish and spectacular. It is also necessary to pay attention to cosmetics and perfumes.

A set of rules is mandatory in every family. But you don’t need to treat it as something boring and complicating life. The rules are set by the spouses themselves. And they must fully comply with their ideas about harmonious relations, be aimed at improving and strengthening them. Two loving people share how they see and what is important to them. In no case should you make it so that for someone one rule was something familiar from childhood, and the other partner had difficulty fulfilling them. The adoption of such norms must be fair and equitable.