How to end a relationship with a married man. How to get out of a relationship with a married man you love: Tips
Many ladies are afraid to enter into love relationship with men who are married. This is quite reasonable, however, often such love can be useful and successful for both parties.
As for the men themselves, such relationships can be beneficial for them, because they need variety and adventure. Not everyone manages to remain faithful to his wife, but if a period of detachment begins in his personal life, then a man can look for thrill on the side. A married man is always more interesting than a free man, because he is often hungry, hot, generous and insatiable. With whom the man will remain and why is the second question.
Why do women seek marriage
A married man is a challenge. It is clear that in such a relationship you have an advantage over your rival, because she has already managed to get bored with a man. Basically, women show their nature of a predator when they feel the victim. That is why your intuition will never deceive you. If you do not trust her, then know that a married man is always secretive, cautious and wants to see you only at a certain time.
Very often, ladies choose married men because they know that they will not run after them. Roughly speaking, if a man is married, then he is already “run in”, checked by another lady, he can be trusted. The last thing women want to do is spend time with men who can make them suffer. Married in this regard is absolutely harmless, but beware of exceptions to the rules, which also occur.
You spend rare evenings together, he says that he loves you to the moon and back, gives original gifts, and delivers flowers on Sundays by courier ... He writes romantic SMS during a lunch break and asks you not to deny yourself anything while shopping.
But this idyll has one drawback - he is married. Previously, a love triangle was considered a sin and condemned by society, now it is customary to look at it through your fingers ..
But where will the relationship lead, where the woman is just a secret lover? Does an affair with a married man have a future, or is it better not to torture yourself or your partner? And what if you truly love?
This is our material.
Why does a man need a mistress?
What pushes a man to start a relationship on the side? Is he not well cared for at home? Or did he fall head over heels in love as a teenager, and now longs for secret meetings with another woman, dreams of starting a family with her and building a house?
We have compiled a list of the main reasons why a man decides to take such a step: to start an affair on the side.
He lacks novelty in sex or sex in general
Sex once a month in a missionary position with the lights off? .. This is not what a man dreamed of when he got married. If partners do not surprise each other in bed, do not shoot their eyes in a restaurant with their soulmate and do not share erotic fantasies, the brightness of sex fades.
At first, the man tries to fix something, but if the efforts are in vain, he switches to another girl. This does not mean that he loves her to the grave and will leave his wife. But the reddened cheeks of a satisfied woman on his shoulder and pleasant fatigue after sex are so beckoning.
He seeks lively emotional experiences
Your relationship with your wife may be in crisis. When partners annoy each other, do not find common topics for conversation at dinner, get stuck in everyday problems ... Some men cannot tolerate, survive and find a way out - and just give up.
They begin a relationship with a woman with whom it is simple and easy: he gave flowers, took him to a restaurant, had sex in an expensive hotel ... No children, cooking breakfast and fixing a leaking tap. Everything is simple and painless. Only shallow.
He wants to prove that he still can, does not want to say goodbye to youth
And health is already failing, and problems with potency, and the number in the passport is not encouraging ... Why not prove to myself that I can still satisfy a young nimble lady? In an attempt to catch youth by the tail, men have mistresses, with whom the feeling of approaching old age disappears.
This is how he shows his status.
When status is no longer measured by the cost of a business suit, the brand of a car, and the thickness of a leather wallet, other ways of comparison come into play. For example, lovers. Their model appearance, youth, passion, quantity.
He doesn't have very high moral principles.
Disrespect for wife, children and neglect family values. Such motives also push men to treason.
His wife does not understand what a man really needs
If it’s bad at home, the man will first step back mentally, and then physically. Constant dissatisfaction with the husband, his income and appearance, stupid jokes and their absence, insufficient participation in raising children and walking the dog ... In such a house it is easy to feel unnecessary, clumsy and insolvent.
The wife does not appreciate a man, does not praise, does not look with enthusiastic eyes and does not thank.
Relations with a married man: imaginary advantages and delusions
Pros of being a lover:
- the man is already well-fed and well-groomed, there is no need to take care of his new suit, delicious dinner and problems at work. Everything is ready for consumption;
- washing, ironing and co-parenting is so far away that it seems like a parallel universe;
- an ideal option for an open relationship - a man does not need to worry about having to destroy his family, and a woman does not need to worry about potential serious relationships;
- a wealthy man can financially help his mistress without any problems;
Misconceptions:
- being a mistress, a woman believes that she is unique and important for a man, that he is truly happy with her;
- hopes that the man will leave the family for her, and they will begin serious relationship;
Illusion of deception
Being a lover is not only about receiving gifts and passionate sex. It is to play a second role. Constantly wage an internal struggle: on the one hand, to understand that relationships are doomed to be superficial, and on the other hand, to continue to go on secret dates again and again.
To hide, not to be able to call in the middle of the night and say: “Come, I miss you so much!”, not to use perfume, not to give gifts, to be ready that the man will cancel the meeting at the last moment.
And the initial lightness and increased attention that flattered you so much are replaced by a heaviness in the heart, the realization that it belongs to another.
Communication with a married man: is there a future?
No one wants to be held hostage to a situation, especially in a romantic relationship. Loving a married man who lies to his wife and brings up his children, and gives you only crumbs of time and attention is difficult.
Most importantly, stop beating yourself up. It's not your fault that this happened. To figure out why a married man came into your life, ask yourself four questions.
What drives me in these relationships?
Maybe you are only attracted to this man by amazing sex on Thursdays? Or his eternal inaccessibility? Or that you are his secret secret?
If you want a joint future, three children and two cats, a family photo album and a vacation in Greece, this changes the situation. In this case, the role of a mistress is not enough for you and you will not be able to endure for a long time.
What do I get from a partner, and what do I give?
Expensive gifts, a loving look and a willingness to do anything, just so that the wife does not find out? What is the foundation of your relationship? Is it tied to the emotional sphere or to the material one too? What are you sacrificing, and what is a man for the sake of your meetings, relationships, secret connection?
Why did I agree to this type of relationship?
Maybe it was easier for you because the man is married? Indeed, in this case, you do not have to be responsible for a serious relationship, plan the purchase of a bookcase, repair in the kitchen and solve everyday problems together.
Or were you frightened off by the presence of a spouse, but you, like a butterfly, flew into the fire, despite the fear?
What will happen if you continue to play the role of a mistress?
Passion will subside sooner or later. How then will you react to a man's double life? Will you calmly accept your role or will you constantly want more? Will you calm down or will you be jealous of your wife and children? In your free time, will you have fun with your friends and do your own thing, or will you nervously wait for his call?
If you are inclined towards the second option, the role of a mistress is uncomfortable for you, and something needs to be done about it.
Ending such a relationship is sometimes the easiest way out of a situation. How to do this and is there a chance to come to the fore in the life of a married man?
Why and how to stop communicating with a married man?
The heart whispers words of love, rare meetings are so romantic and sweet, and yet he is married. And despite the promises, he is unlikely to leave the family, terminate the ten-year marriage and leave the children. You need to accept this and move on.
If a woman is satisfied with the role of mistress, she does not wait until a man leaves his wife and one evening comes to her with a ring and tickets to Crete, then everything is in order.
But if you feel uncomfortable that you are not the main role, the best way to calm down and improve your life is to stop such communication. Relationships do not last only on the desire of a woman to change something. The inaction of a man will be a key factor.
How to break with the past?
If you decide to stop meeting with a married man, the first piece of advice is to look around. Why are you fixated on this particular person? There are so many guys around who secretly glance at you in the office or on the street! People with interesting hobbies, caring and open to relationships that are not connected by marriage, children and mortgages.
Talk to a man
If you have the courage, when you meet, tell the man about your decision to end your relationship. Explain that you are not happy with the second role, scheduled meetings, uncertainty and fear that everyone will find out about your connection.
Do not be fooled by his persuasion to “spend another evening together”, promises to leave his family and expensive gifts. Respect your decision!
If you feel that you do not have enough strength to tell the truth straight to your face - write a letter or simply disappear from life with the words: “I'm sorry” - you are a free woman and do not owe anything to a married man.
Do not rush into a new love adventure
Trying to "make amends" from a painful relationship with a married man is unlikely to end in a harmonious relationship. Give yourself time to cool down. Take a couple of days off to lick your wounds, wrapping yourself in a blanket, surrounding yourself with chocolate and romantic films.
Allow yourself to be sad, a little nostalgic and cry. New stage impossible if you don't finish the old one.
Cleanse the memories
Photos, correspondence, gifts, phone number… Put it away from your eyes. At least for a while, until you can look at them without bitter tears and regrets.
love yourself
Tell yourself that by refusing such a relationship, I recognize my personality. The one that is worthy of love and respect, worthy of taking first place, worthy of the attention and care of a man not according to the schedule, but at will! The one who deserves flowers and gifts not as an apology!
Now you don't need to hypnotize your phone while waiting for a call. Accept invitations to parties, register on a dating app, go on dates.
Anger is okay
Feeling angry can also help you recover from a toxic relationship faster. Think about why you need a man who plays on two fronts, says the same words of love to two women? Will such a partner be able to support in a difficult situation? Will he come to the hospital immediately? Will he be there day and night if needed?
Is it possible to have children with a married man? Go on vacation? Forget about everyone in the world?
Such questions are not the most pleasant, but they open your eyes to the truth, cause tears, resentment, anger. These emotions can be used to break up with a man and start a new life.
Every breakup is painful.
Psychologists say that it is always difficult to part with a loved one, even if the relationship was painful and unpleasant. Time will heal wounds, but disrespectful attitude towards a woman can remain forever.
At first it will not be easy, but if you find the strength in yourself to take this bold step, then you will find a breath of fresh air and a new life.
Summary
A man takes a mistress because:
- he lacks sex and vivid erotic experiences with his wife;
- relationships and marriage have cooled emotionally;
- he tries to catch youth by the tail;
- he proves his status to his friends;
- he does not have very high moral values;
- his wife does not understand what her husband really needs.
Ask yourself questions:
- What prompted me to enter into a relationship as a mistress?
- What do I give away and what do I gain by being in a relationship with a married man?
- Will I be comfortable continuing a relationship where I am a mistress in the background? Or do I want more: family, home, children?
To end a relationship with a married man:
- if you have the courage, say directly that you are tired of such a life and want more. Or end the relationship with a short word: "I'm sorry!";
- give yourself a few days of loneliness and sadness to move on to a new stage;
- love yourself: you deserve more than scheduled appointments and flowers as an apology;
- remove things from your home and phone that remind you of him;
- get angry! And use this energy to start a new stage;
- do not rush to enter into a new romantic adventure;
- Remember, any breakup is painful. Do not demand happiness and joy from yourself the very next day. Would you agree to a relationship with a married man?
The relationship of a free woman with a married man in psychology is a rather complicated topic. The alliance, which includes a married man and a free woman, is not considered by psychology as a connection between two free, self-sufficient people. In such relationships, third parties are necessarily invisibly present: children, relatives, friends. One of the participants in such an alliance, in this case a woman, plays the role of second violin. Knowing and understanding this is very difficult to accept psychologically, especially given the individual characteristics of the character. Partnerships based on equality are out of the question. A woman always sacrifices herself, her interests, time and personal ambitions.
The psychology of a married man that he has a relationship with a free woman explains this by the fact that he does not receive something in marriage. It can be sex, tenderness, or just friendly, warm communication, which is no longer possible with a wife. This happens in most cases after many years lived together, passions no longer boil, life has settled down and a man wants new experiences. He lacks affection warm words, his wife stopped admiring and praising him, although she had previously done this regularly.
In modern families, especially those created under the yoke of obligations (for example, the birth of a child), an agreement is often made on the non-interference of spouses in the privacy of each. In this case, the intrigues of the spouse are not perceived by the wife as a betrayal, and the man does not feel guilty. It will be easier for a woman to meet with such a person.
However, in traditional families, the spouse will not just give up her missus. Yes, and a man for the sake of his mistress will not destroy the family and, to which he has certain obligations. It should be understood that such relationships rarely end in divorce and a new marriage. For the stronger sex, this is just an affair that gives an outlet and an emotional shake-up. In fact, most prefer stability, homeliness and warmth.
How does psychology explain the union of a free woman with a married man?
From the side of a woman, the psychology of relations with a married man considers such a union from two points of view:
- practical union. A man is considered by a woman as a source of cash injections and she is quite satisfied with free relationships and occasional meetings. He is successful, well-groomed, he is only interested in the sexual side of the relationship, and he does not ask for anything in return. Self-confident women who do not aspire to marriage are usually completely satisfied with this state of affairs. In addition, such an alliance allows you to correct the shaken material condition;
- romantic union. This type of relationship is built on delusions. A woman is confident in her exclusivity and firmly believes that a man will leave his wife in the near future. She sincerely believes that with her this man will finally find what he lacks in marriage, that she will be the best wife and is ready to wait forever for her beloved. Usually in this position are insecure women who believe that there are not enough good men for everyone, and they are ready to be in the background indefinitely, just to stay with their beloved.
In any case, a woman understands that she is not the main thing in a man's life, just in the first case she does not need this.
Psychologists warn that such relationships cannot be strong. A married man can at any time break off relations without any explanation to return to his wife. Indeed, in alliance with a free woman, a married man cannot have any obligations to her. However, it happens that a man is really unhappy in marriage and divorce is the best way out of the situation for him. If he is in no hurry to make a final decision, he should not be rushed into this. Relations with a married man - for a free girl:
- You need to try to get closer to your loved one as closely as possible. Men are reluctant to share their secrets with their mistress, but if you make him trust and open up, success is almost completely guaranteed;
- never put pressure on him. A man usually looks for an outlet on the side precisely because his wife puts pressure on him. It is necessary to be able to listen to a loved one, provide support, become for him not only a mistress. But also a friend;
- do not pull the blanket over yourself, the final decision of various issues must be left to him. This will give a sense of ease in such a union, and this is exactly what a man needs;
- do not ring on every corner about the incident of the novel. A man must decide for himself to make the relationship public, in which case he should come out of the shadows and be able to stand up for himself.
By building meetings with a married man on the advice of a psychologist, a prudent woman has a good chance of winning him back from his wife.
The psychology of the correct behavior of a free woman with a married man
Even with small chances to take a man away from the family, with the right behavior of a woman, they increase many times over. She must understand that a connection with her is not a desire to radically change something in life, but simply a way to relax, unwind and give vent to emotions. Therefore, a man’s decision to leave his wife must be pushed very carefully so as not to frighten him if he suddenly decides that he is being pressured.
- If a man himself did not leave the family, then he does not intend to destroy the marriage. You need to find the strength in yourself to break off such relationships, because they will inevitably come to a standstill.
- Love is often mistaken for love. For some time it is better not to see each other, so that there is an opportunity to cool down a bit and sort out your feelings.
- You need to understand that taking a loved one away from his wife destroys the family, children suffer. Most of the representatives of the stronger sex are going through this hard, the consciousness of their guilt is crushing. And a dull irritation, and even hatred, begins to wake up to the new wife. You need to be ready for such a development of events.
Looking at the situation in this way, many find the strength to leave the husband to his wife and not destroy their marriage.
An affair with a married man is a very complex type of relationship. This cannot be called a union of two free people, because, as a rule, other people are involved in such relationships - children, spouses, relatives.
Whatever the advice of psychologists, they all urge you to first adequately assess the situation and understand what the woman herself wants. After all, intrigues with married men rarely end in marriage. Even if the mistress manages to take the person away, there is no guarantee that life with him will be happy.
A married man is the same man, only with limited abilities.
Roman Gusev
Relations with a married man: are they true?
Every second mistress is convinced that the married man she meets loves her, not his wife. The other half of the women will argue that the legal spouse is somehow worse than a mistress, therefore. So the “infidels” themselves can say this, because otherwise how will they start relationships on the side? Roughly speaking, usually a man just lies to assert himself or diversify his personal life with good sex.The desire to find very rarely pushes a married man into extramarital affairs. Even if he becomes attached to his mistress, he is unlikely to be ready to leave his wife, with whom he is connected by common property and years of marriage. It can take quite a long time to make a responsible decision. A man has a lot of reasons not to leave his family - the age of the children, the general business, the opinion of relatives.
Such a relationship may well suit a man who decides to sit on two chairs. But for a woman, this situation will become more and more dramatic, especially if she has feelings.
It is pointless to make claims against a married man, but in order to understand his true attitude towards his mistress, she needs to clarify several questions:
- What? Is he really unhappy with his wife and is he trying to compensate for this on the side?
- Does she need such a relationship and can they replace her real family?
- Will a woman be satisfied with a supporting role, is she ready to be content with what remains after her family?
- Does she agree to wait until the man "ripes" and decides to divorce?
- Will she be able to calmly accept the fact that the novel has exhausted itself?
How to maintain a relationship with a married man?
If a woman decided to maintain such an alliance, despite all the negative points, psychologists recommend the following:- Keep this relationship a secret from everyone. If the wife finds out about the novel, she may demand to part with her mistress.
- Do not say anything bad about his wife, even if the man himself complains about her. There is an invisible connection between spouses, and a man can be offended by offensive words addressed to his wife.
- Do not put pressure on a man and do not demand anything from him.
- Constantly convince a man how important and loved he is.
- Be skillful and relaxed in bed.
How to end a relationship with a married man?
If a lover understands that a man will never leave his family, and such relationships have no future, you should get rid of them as soon as possible. Of course, if a woman is satisfied with a relationship without obligations, she can continue to spin a forbidden romance. But if she sincerely loves her chosen one, it is better to give up such love so as not to ruin her life.To make it easier to leave a married lover, it is recommended to write down all his shortcomings on paper and re-read them before each date. A woman also needs to ask herself what in this man causes her admiration or respect, and look around. Are there really no more men with the same qualities?
To part with a married man for sure, you need to break off relations sharply and decisively. The lover should directly tell her chosen one about this and ask him to never look for a meeting with her again. You do not need to answer his calls and SMS, as well as call yourself. If you still have to communicate, for example, at work, you need to talk only about business, and at first you can generally ask for a business trip or vacation.
No married man can be considered happy if he is forced to drink a worse grade of gin than before marriage.
Henry Louis Mencken
Conclusion
If thoughts about a married lover have become an obsession, and you can’t forget him in any way, you need to go to another city, change the situation or find an interesting activity for yourself, for which there will be no time to be sad.Do not forget about other men and doom yourself to loneliness. It is possible that true love will walk somewhere nearby - a person with whom we will be able to build a reliable family fortress. Don't miss out on your chance.
Much has been written and said about the fact that a relationship with a man who is busy is not the most promising business. But with enviable persistence, many women continue to enter into such problematic relationships.
I propose to leave aside the moral side of the issue and carefully look at the whole thing from the point of view of logic, seasoned with knowledge about the characteristics of the psychology of the sexes.
If you are in a relationship with a married man, then:
- You told him that you are ready to be not in the first place.
Clients of our center know that the rules in a relationship are formed during the first few dates. And then it is almost impossible to change these rules. If from the very beginning you showed the man by your actions that he is the main one in this game, and you just adapt to his desires and capabilities, then this is how he will treat you.
The very fact that he did not leave the family before offering you something speaks of a certain attitude towards you. And the attitude is not the most respectful.
And this will not change even if he leaves the family. There is a lot to know in order to change the rules.
- You automatically become comfortable for him, not loved.
Being in a relationship with a busy man means you're adapting your life to his schedule, not the other way around. He has time - you blew yourself up and ran, putting aside all your affairs. Well, or not all. In any case, meetings happen only when it is convenient for him. What does this tell a man about you? Yes, a very simple thing: you are a woman who can be treated as you like. You are the one who does not demand respect. Who would do anything to keep him close. And this is another rule in your relationship.
Will he take into account such a woman - with her interests, with her desires? Of course not. Once it suits her, then there is no need to strain. And he will be capricious - it’s enough to scare him with his coldness or a hint that he may not leave his family anywhere.
- You gave him permission to change you.
Just imagine the situation: a man does dirty tricks, and you give him nothing for it. Guess what that means in male language? This means that by your inaction, the absence of sanctions, you allowed him to do such dirty tricks. And that's it.
If you call a spade a spade, removing romance and sentimental stories, then the picture is as follows. He is a man who deceives at least one woman. And sleeps with two. He's cool, right?
Of course, such men often say that they have not had anything with their wife for a long time, but he lives with her out of pity or for the sake of the children. This is followed by those very tragic circumstances, due to which he cannot leave right now: his wife is sick, there are problems with children, property needs to be dealt with - in a word, classic noodles, which we will now put out of brackets.
And where is the guarantee that he and his wife really haven't had sex for a long time? What makes you think that all this is true? You can't check here. It turns out that it remains to believe in the word. A man who deceives at least one woman...
- You have become a huntress, not a desired prey.
He doesn't take care of you, you take care of him. And you solve his problems, even if it seems that he helps a lot with money or something.
Most often in such a relationship, the second woman works as a psychotherapist (if not to say: an emotional toilet) for a man. An unfortunate handsome man, oppressed by an evil wife, comes running for pity, sympathy and support. And it gets emotional.
- You fall into the trap of female competition.
This trick is hidden in general in every triangle involving two women and one man. Getting into such a relationship "for three", each of the two women begins to fight for a man, trying to be better than her rival. Focusing on this competition, they plunge into it so much that they forget the most important thing - to soberly evaluate the actions of the handsome prince. And he, as a rule, does it very simply: he steps aside and, bursting popcorn, enjoys a virtual fight. And no one deliberately chooses. Thus, he shifts the responsibility for what is happening to women: he was just standing here for beauty (well, he added a little oil). It's their own fault, if anything.
In addition, no one has canceled the basic law of competition: whoever has it better and cheaper - the buyer will go to that. And this thought causes women in the struggle to reduce their demands in relation to a man.
And the most important trick is this: a woman's falling in love grows in direct proportion to the number of thoughts and feelings associated with this particular man. In pursuit of the title of "the best of the two" of this emotional goodness, a whole carriage arises: this is sympathy (it's hard for him, the poor one), and anger at a rival, and sadness from the impossibility of being together, and the joy of meetings - and what is there in this cocktail ! What can we say about thoughts - you can’t drive them out of your head with a filthy broom. Plans are spinning there from the category of "how to defeat her", "how to make him feel good"; to fall asleep do not give fantasies about how good it will be together when all this is over.
So it turns out that the more they fight for a man, the more they fall in love. And what exactly? In whom? What kind of relationship will we end up with? Somehow they forget about it in excitement.
- You let him know that you are ready to do anything for him.
Men do not respect women who are completely dependent on them. Moreover: they become uninterested in those who "can't get away from him", who do not have a part of life that is not connected with him. Look at the wives who have become too accessible to their husbands: isn't that what he's running from?
- It's not like you're the only one with him.
If your relationship began with deceit (at least a wife), then this says something about the personality of a man. In particular, this state of affairs seems to hint that it is permissible for him to have a double life and deceive a woman.
And then those who are friends with logic begin to be tormented by vague doubts: when he cannot speak, because he is "at home" - is he really there? Or does he have someone else besides you and his wife? And what is convenient: from all mistresses there is one excuse - "I'm with my wife now."
- He falls in love not with you, but with the image that you created for him.
As a rule, in a relationship with a married (or busy) man, the second woman is afraid of losing this man. And then she does not allow herself to be herself. She is afraid to throw tantrums, demand something from him, tell something about herself. She thinks all the time: how will her actions affect his attitude towards her? Will she push him in the wrong direction with her behavior?
It turns out that not only a man is deceiving in such a relationship, but also a woman who, by hook or by crook, is trying to get him. The fear of losing a man makes her hold back, hide and be silent. And such things do not pass without a trace - grievances accumulate, which sooner or later will be voiced. As a result, the image of the woman with whom he began a relationship will not at all correspond to what it really is.
And then what?
We believe in fairy tales because magic does happen. Occasionally, but it happens that Cinderella meets the Prince. One in a million is still lucky.
It may happen that he really chooses you: he will divorce or part (with the one to whom he once swore allegiance). And here, specific consequences for such relationships lie in wait.
So, here's what goes to the "second" women:
- A man with inner permission to cheat.
Of course, we are good and correct people. But ... remember what happened when you skipped a lesson or lecture for the first time? Drive, adrenaline, the feeling that you are doing something shameful and very forbidden. And scary at first.
And then, when it turns out that nothing terrible has happened, the fear almost disappears, and impudence is added. And for many, walking has become a habit.
The same thing happens with men. It is worth crossing this line once, as there is immediately a huge temptation to add treason to the list of acceptable actions.
As the saying goes, "when you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you marry a man who cheats on his wife."
- A man who does not want to solve problems in a relationship.
Look: something did not work out with their wife. Maybe it's not easy. Maybe it has accumulated - who knows. In any case, there were difficulties in their relationship. And what does he prefer to do in such a situation? Fight for relationships, do everything possible with your couple to stay together? No. He prefers to run away from the problem. Moreover, to escape in such a way that as long as possible to receive all the available bonuses from his partner, without confessing to treason.
And this is his way of living in a couple. How does that suit you?
- Two for the price of one.
They say "wives are never ex". And most of the time it is. Even if a man gets divorced, there are several points that prevent him from completely belonging to only one woman:
- First, there is habit. In a variety of forms. If he is used to taking care of his wife, all the time thinking about how she lives, then there is a very small chance that he will abruptly take it and forget about the one in which he has invested so much. If there was no care and participation on his part, then he will still have "flashbacks" - periods of acute longing for his former life. Simply because the family occupied part of his life, and he simply did not have time to survive the grief of parting with her (see the article on parting).
- Secondly, a couple (especially a family one) is united not only by marital relations. They have common problems, friends, children, relatives - in a word, those parts of life that do not appear and disappear along with the stamp. Here they called him, for example, friends for his birthday. Who will he go with? And if now the former is also a friend and a welcome guest to them? And how to "divide" relatives? And the children? What about business? All this will come up again and again in his life.
- Thirdly, his guilt will not go anywhere. No matter how the relationship develops, no matter what happens - men in the depths of their souls experience the feeling of their "badness" very hard. Yes. He can mask this feeling with aggression towards the former. But he won't stop feeling it. Especially if this man is a responsible creature. An explosive mixture of pangs of conscience and a sense of responsibility for the one that he once tamed will now and then force him to take care of the former. After all, he is to blame. And I want to make amends.
- Fears.
Many "second" women are aware of the concept of permission to cheat. They suspect that where once there is another. Having taken the long-awaited place of the wife, they rejoice for some time, but then ... then they begin to be tormented by fears: "And where is he lingering? At work? Former, he also spoke when he was with me ..."
When anxiety goes off scale, a woman begins to do everything that provokes a man to cheat. The severity of paranoia can be very different: someone is spying on him, someone is reading his correspondence, someone is simply losing his peace. The result is quarrels, scandals, tantrums and nervous breakdowns. Even if a woman is a champion in hiding her feelings, along with peace, she still loses confidence in her attractiveness. Which also does not improve the situation, but simply repels the man.
- Faded emotions.
Romance on the side is forbidden fruit. Which is known to be sweet. And this greatly warms up the feelings, artificially inflating the emotional connection. Well, think for yourself: how attractive are secret meetings, views that are understandable only to two ... does all this romance come at least in some way compared to relationships that do not imply a secret? Stormy novels, as you know, are broken by everyday life. From the desired and beloved Prince, he turns into something shaggy and in torn shorts. And she, once well-groomed, affectionate and understanding, becomes a "saw" with chronic PMS and in a dressing gown.
Every couple experiences this dubious magic. But in the case of a relationship that begins with a romance, the contrast between the Prince and the Frog is felt much sharper. After all, we fell in love not with each other, but with strong emotions seasoned with romance. The man remained, but he no longer gives such cool emotions.
If romances with married men are so unpromising, then why do women enter into such relationships?
- Low self-esteem. If a woman does not have a sense of her own value, then a terrible thing happens: it seems normal to her that a man treats her like an alternate airfield.
- Negative attitudes and deficit thinking. For example, the thought that good men few, and we have to fight for them."
- Tendency to co-dependent relationships. This includes salvation, and sacrifice, and outright masochism.
- Fear of close relationships. As you know, the best way not to be intimacy is to choose unavailable partners.
- Ignorance of male psychology. It happens that a naive woman simply does not know that men think in a completely different way than we do. And she is not aware that there are any rules, that a man has a desire to save energy where possible. Well, and so on.
What to do if you are already in a relationship with a man who is busy?
- Remember the math and count how many men a day pass by you. If the city is large, then at least 100 people meet a day - on the street, in the subway, in large stores. Even if 90% of them are busy, do not fit in age or social status, it still turns out that for every day in a relationship with the “wrong” man, you miss 10 chances to be happy. That is, in a month there are 300 such chances. And in a year 3600.
- Right now, interrupt reading to block his contacts.
- Go to a psychologist and get rid of the reason why you are in this relationship.